So…after 15 months of this hell…I’ve come to conclusion that whenever it happens…and I’m NOT suicidal Sue Ryder or anybody else so DO NOT preach to me about support and the like…I welcome death…that doesn’t scare me and if it’s just going to sleep (which is the only time I feel ok these days)…or find myself in an afterlife of some sort (which I now firmly believe is the case having researched this subject extensively)…then so be it. This life I now have I do not want and it can only deteriorate and impinge on my remaining loved ones. I am almost 70 years old with a debilitating condition. After 50 years my reason to be just went. What DOES scare me is how I get there. I don’t want to be kept alive going through all kinds of horrible medical procedures with an inevitable result. We are all going to the same place eventually…there is no escape. My family and friends know this…they understand. Quality of life is what matters…not life at all costs. However, the modern society does not facilitate such choices…welcome to my world. So…how do we all manage what is to come?Love to everyone who understands…
@UnityMan sadly some things in life are simply out of our control (like the death of our spouses). I have no family left so completely alone and it does worry me about I’ll health and who would look after me and I don’t want to be kept alive if there is no quality of life. We do have choices where we can put certain things in place to help us, care, funeral plans, private health insurance if we can afford it but unless assisted dying becomes lawful in the UK, death is not in our hands (other than the obvious). None of us can predict the future so I try not to think too far ahead. Your thoughts are perfectly understandable and I guess most of us have thought the same at some time or other…there is no concrete answer because life is unpredictable
I understand completely, @UnityMan.
I’m facing surgery in the near future and I really don’t care whether or not I’ll wake from it. I will ensure that my affairs are all in order (they usually are anyway), so nothing is left in a mess. The only reason I’m going for an op is so that I can still walk, if it were anything life threatening I’d leave it to take it’s course.
No, I’m not suicidal either, I’ve simply had enough heartache, trauma and drama in my life. One of my friends said that life has really tested me in the last few years, summed it up.
Yes indeed…all necessary things are in place…so just a waiting game…what is increasingly hitting me is all my friends if a similar age are going to have to go through this …I just hope I can help them…but until they are here…they have no idea…even though they have been really supportive…they can’t know reality …makes me sad …
My aunt (only relative left) is 93 and she summed it up. Her mind is as sharp as a razor but both her knees are knackered so she is housebound with a Zimmer at 91 she got her GP to refer her to a consultant, he told her both her knees need replacing so she said well when can you operate to replace them? He smiled and said we can’t because of your age and the anesthetic and my aunt replied but I am giving consent, I would rather be mobile and only have a few months than stuck like this for however long I have left and if I died when you put me under then it’s a win, win isn’t it…she’s right it should be her choice and she chose quality of life rather than exist behind a zimmer
@UnityMan, sending you hugs. I lost my husband 1 month ago today. I watched him suffer from a terrible neurological condition for 8.5 years. I cannot put into words the despair I felt over those years watching him deal with his illness, his death is just a continuation of the sadness that I have felt over the years.
During the years of my hubby’s illness, I had similar thoughts about the importance of quality and agency over one’s life vs simply being alive. Modern medicine is there to prolong life irrespective of the reality of the quality of that individual’s life. However, we can take some sort of control of what we want to happen by being candid with our family and close friends as well as having an advance directive/living will and a Lasting Power of Attorney.
@UnityMan same here. A friend of mine who has been married 47 years and blissfully happy found out in Nov her husband had esophegeal cancer and fast forward she messaged me 3 days ago to say he had been admitted to hospice. This morning I woke up to a message saying he passed away last night. I never thought I could feel someone else’s pain as much as I did receiving that text, I felt physically sick knowing the awful, horrific journey she begins today…she said to me oh my god Lyn I had no clue what you have been going through. We can only walk in someone else’s shoes when we have worn them
I genuinely believe we should have the right to choose when our own life ends , provided it is 100% our own decision ( not pressured etc by anyone else ) .
I don’t mean impulsively obviously, just don’t see what right someone who doesn’t even know you , or what you may have been through , has to continue your suffering against your wishes .
We put animals to sleep because we believe they are suffering too much ( and we can’t even ask them if they want us to ) yet keep humans alive at times to make them suffer more against their wishes .
… totally agree…and the protocols should be decided by the individual…not society…my life…my decision…
Exactly, yet if I did want to end my life ( which I’m NOT planning to ) I would probably have to do it in a way that would cause trauma / suffering to others who witnessed it or through no fault of their own became involved etc
The whole letting it take however long it takes for someone to pass and doing nothing but ease the worst of it with a shipload of drugs, just feels grotesque to me, after having witnessed it. As you say, we treat our pets better and give them more mercy.
The whole world is f’d , all the money spent on drugs to keep someone alive even though they are suffering , yet kids are dying in 3rd world countries due to lack of basic medicines that cost pennies .