Reality sinking in

I lost my mum suddenly last summer, she was only 59. She had a very rare stroke even though was fit and healthy. I was very close to my mum. She was however very toxic at times which even though I was close to her, put our relationship under a lot of strain.

I’ve been plodding on, had waves of grief and moments of “ok” . However the last couple of weeks have been the hardest, now lockdown is lifting, it has hit me that this is forever. I now have to live the rest of my life without my mum.

I’m exhausted all the time, I also feel pretty empty and emotionless but then start crying. I’m struggling to focus on anything, struggling to enjoy anything. I don’t know how to express what I am feeling because I don’t understand it. Ive been trying to work through my difficult times with my mum as well as remember the happy times.

I feel guilty for not having the energy to have fun with my kids or spend proper time with my partner. I just want to zone out so I can keep the reality away.

Will I ever feel normal?

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Hi @Willow09,

It looks as though you are new to the community so welcome and thank you for bravely sharing your experience, how you are feeling and for reaching out for support in this way. I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum and the suddenness of her death last summer. That is so hard.

It sounds as though the last couple of weeks have been particularly tough and overwhelming for you - I’m sorry you are struggling to enjoy anything at the moment. I wonder whether you might find some bereavement counselling helpful? If so, Sue Ryder offers a free online bereavement counselling service - sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. If you would like to find out more about this service, here is the link:

If you have time, I thought you might also find this article on our website helpful:

Thank you again for reaching out for support in this way - remember, you do not have to struggle alone. We are here for you.

Take care,