Went for a visit to work today to get it over with and face everyone before I go back in September. (Work in a school). It was so hard and spent most of the morning in tears every time I spoke to another adult. I have been doing ok I thought but I felt so out of place and spaced out. It’s almost like I’ve been going through the motions of sorting things out, getting on with things pretending to myself that everything is going to go back to normal at the end and none of this happened. I’m not sure if it is just starting to dawn on me that this is it he really isnt coming back. It has been just over 16 weeks and apart from the complete shock in the beginning I feel worse than ever. I am trying to get on and don’t want to be dragged down with my own grief. Just want this horrible ache and fear of been without him to go.
9 weeks and feel everyday gets harder, this week our son is transitioning into secondary school and I know he would have been of lo work at least one day to take him/pick him up so every journey is hard and then there’s the next thing his missing from and it goes on
I went into work before I went back to break the ice. I am now back full time. Have been since the 1st June. 12 weeks exactly today since Simon went. Work is surreal. You feel like nothing has happened then you remember you have no one to go home too. Or text at lunchtime. I find I don’t care about the work either. Do what has to be done. To me “life” because this isn’t a life it’s something I have been dropped in, is pointless. It’s getting worse the further I get away from the last day I was with him. I wish I wasn’t here anymore. Because without him there is no point. And I am no point.
@Sah28 Must be so hard with a young son and your right they are missing from all the things from now on.
@Rammie I am sorry you are feeling the way you are and hope you have support.
Work I am hoping will give me a routine but like you not sure I care as much about it like I did.
I am hoping we can all get through this grief and although it may never go it might get easier to live with and lessen over time.
I struggle with anything that takes me away from thinking about my wife,our memories,the life we loved but now gone and that is what creates the enormous pain of loss. Like you I wonder what the point is,I have everything in a material sense but not the only person that I want,I hate it.
@miker, your words sum up exactly how I feel. After six months without my wonderful husband, my ‘existence’ is dreadful.
@Rome18 @miker if I could go right now I would. People say your husband would want you to live your life and carry on. But there is absolutely no way on earth he would want me to “live” and be in this amount of pain!! His main concern was me! And me being in intense pain would not be acceptable to him. My life was him and us. Even time apart when he was here was looked upon as a waste of time by us both. We were only happy when we were together. In the words of Elton John “but more than ever, I simply love you more than I love life itself”
@Rammie that was our song together . It’s so right I told him many times over the many years I had to go first cos I couldn’t live without him . So here I am . It’s so bad
I think ot does that … gets harder befire it gets better 
there are so many stages to go through … so many things that make you reise your life is different now ! I wish i could beibg my husband back. He was so lovely and i miss him so much … just keep takinf baby steps. Sometimes i don’t tell everybody whats happened to me cos it makes me cry … so i just dont mention it and its better that way . People who know sometimes make it worse i think with their pity or tactless comments xx
It is hard with a young son but he’s what makes me get up everyday and makes me keep going so in one sense it’s a good thing as I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other for him
Hi lou33 i to work in a school and hope to go back in september, bur iv spent so long on my own since loosing my son in may .he was 37 and still lived at home , and his dad last june, that i fear i wont be able to cope, but i no they both would want me to carry on with life,i no it will never be the same but i no they walk with me all the way
Hi @Ally7 I am so sorry that you have lost your son and your husband, so unfair. If you feel that you are ready to try could you just go visit a couple of times before you commit to a phased return and come off the sick. At least then you would know if you need longer. That’s what I did. I said I wasn’t ready to commit to going back untill I know how I would feel. I am hoping that the more I go in the easier it will get. The head has been very supportive and said however I wanted to do it she would be ok with it. Hope your school is understanding.
I am sure your husband and son would want you carry on and of course they will be with you. Take care x
I feel exactly the same,my wife died 24/3/23 unexpectedly she was a young fit 60 and for me every day gets worse i see her everywhere in my minds eye and still can’t believe she’s gone,I’m now trying to sell my house which is adding to the stress i do not see a future and the loneliness is now unbearable, i hope that you can get through your grief 
@Steve54 I am sorry for you and everyone on here . It is such a difficult time . I wouldn’t wish it on anybody . To lose the love of your life at 60 is heartbreaking my husband was a fit gym man at 58 . Again my sympathy
So sorry for your loss. My husband was 59 and died on the 26th March. He suffered a cardiac arrest on the 24th and never regained consciousness. It’s awful what we all have to go through. Selling a house is very stressful anyway without anything else. Hope you have support around you and manage to see a way forward. One day at a time is all any of us can do. Take care!
We moved down to long sutton in july last year so my wife could be closer to her sister we lived in lancashire her sister in Peterborough,it was 1hr away but better than 3hrs my wife,Michelle only lasted until March and all my family live up north so i have no support but i can’t stay in long sutton too many bad memories,i have chosen a flat in hunstanton where we had our first date in 1984 I’m hoping if it goes through i, might be able to carry on when i think about Michelle i sob but i don’t want to stop thinking about her i loved her so much 
Thank you my wife Michelle had run 10 manchester runs,Liverpool marathon and the London marathon and walked our dog 5miles every morning but cancer didn’t care life can be so unfair xx