Wednesday 30 June was my husband’s funeral and I got through it fairly well, although i was very emotional and crying a lot. I had a solicitor’s appointment yesterday and that went quite well. I need to get probate granted and sort out house deeds with the Land Registry. Today I had to go into our local town, to go to the building society to check letters had been sent to me with my husbands account balances. Then I had an appointment at Specsavers. I find that each of these events, takes up a lot of energy and concentration. At Specsavers, I asked other people in the queue if they had booked appointments and they said no. When a member of staff came to the front of the store, a woman at the front of the queue started shouting at me. She said I was pushing in, that she had an appointment, really aggressively. I tried to explain that I was recently bereaved and did have an appointment, the abuse continued, I then burst into tears and ‘lost the plot’. One of the lovely Specsavers staff took me into the store and sat me in a room to calm down. I did not feel up to then choosing new glasses, so made another appointment. I was still really tearful as I walked back to my car. When I got back to my car, someone had scraped the front of it, leaving their paint on my front bumper. I cried again. This is the latest in a long line of bad things that have happened to me since my husband died. Now I don’t want to go out and I just feel that I can’t take much more. How do other people cope? Am I just unlucky?
Hi Jax H.
When my husband first passed away I remember doing something relatively simple but wrong in my car. The driver of the car in front of me got out and started giving me abuse. I am usually a strong person but I lost the plot to and broke down in tears. The driver apologised to me but I could not stop crying all the way home. In fact I cried over everything that went wrong. I just did not have the energy to think logically at that time.I still have moments when.I break down everytime something goes wrong. I feel like everything is a big ordeal. But I have learned to do some things for myself too so that is a blessing. Things will eventually get better for you too.Grief is such a long process.I am so sorry for your loss
I can understand how you are feeling lost my husband a year ago and every little thing that went wrong felt soo big. I can assure you as time goes by you realise none of these things really matter and things do get better. It’s the loneliness of not having Allan with me that still makes me cry and episodes of not being able to do anything till this wave passes over.
Just know that things do get a little better but I’m still not fully there either.
Big hugs. Nannie dragon x
Hi Jax8. My husband passed away in January and since then multiple things have gone wrong in the flat. A week before he died there was this awful smell in the flat. I couldn’t figure it out, kept looking and eventually it came to light that a mouse or rat had died behind my kitchen sink. Had to call in Pest Control to sort it out. At the same time the heater in our bedroom packed up. Being in the middle of winter I had to go and spend a week at my son’s home as it was cold and the smell from the dead rodent had spread through the entire flat. Since then, both strip lights in the kitchen and bathroom have gone and had to be replaced. The latest thing to break down two weeks ago was my hot water. It cost a king’s ransom to get fixed. It’s just overwhelming, especially when you’re on your own.
Hi Sakinah, you sound as if you are going through a really tough time. I describe it as like having a target on your back, every disaster seems to happen to just you. But I think most bereaved people feel like that. The enormity of having to face/deal with every last thing that goes ‘wrong’ is too much for the brain and body to bear. My husband ‘looked after everything’ and there are so many things that I wish I had asked him how to do. My hands and wrists are not strong and I couldn’t open the garage door this morning. I can’t undo the petrol filler cap on the car; usually I ask the nearest kind looking person to help, but it is embarrassing and raises your stress levels even higher. Today, I went shopping in Canterbury, I didn’t enjoy it, as it seemed as if everyone had a partner with them, but I was on my own, just feeling so sad, sitting at a cafe table watching happy couples walking when it should be me and my husband doing that. I was on the verge of breaking down again. I really feel for you, I just try to get through each bit of the day as best I can. I write a journal about how I feel and what I do each day, and that can help. I ask my husband questions, like ‘why did you have to go?’ ‘Look what a mess I’m in!’ It is only for your eyes, so you can let all your feelings out whilst writing. Be kind to yourself, I have been doing the admin for my husband’s estate for the last almost 9 weeks. It is so draining dealing with companies and having to tell the ‘story’ of what has happened over and over again. When I have had enough for one day, I stop and take the dog for a walk and take pictures with my phone, which is really good for the brain, watch the trees/birds/flowers/bees/butterflies, smile at people when you meet them, say ‘hello’ (even if you don’t want to inside), it keeps you engaged with the world. Have faith in yourself, and tell people how you are feeling. It’s okay to say ‘no’ to the outside world’s demands on you and just focus just on yourself and your mental wellbeing. You are your own expert in what your body and soul needs at any given time. xxxx