I’m looking for help and kind people I can chat with and maybe find some friends who I could maybe be any help to as well.
I try to help others and my family but I keep doing things wrong and being hurt even more.
I have been using alcohol and drugs to block out my depression and it has worked as I have been very successful in my job and helped many people over years. Unfortunately as I have got older I think the sadness over I’m now going to lose Adam going to loss, loosing the people I have already lost,pressure and rock and roll life style has sent me crazy and isolated.
Good morning! It seems from your post that the person most in need of your helping is you.
You need to start putting yourself first, my first impressions is that you put yourself last and neglect your own needs, which will eventually make you feel resentful and will exacerbate the depression, and therefore increase the booze intake, and the only way to offset that is to direct your energies to others. It’s a vicious circle.
It won’t be selfish if you take care of yourself, and find friends not to help them, but to simply enjoy their company, laugh, and bond over things in common.
If you let someone down by saying “sorry, but no can do”, they will simply find other ways or other helpers to solve their dilemmas. And they will respect you for having boundaries. It’s okay to do that
My terminally sick partner was just like you, always bending over backwards to help everyone, never wanted to let people down, it was compassion and kindness but to a fault. He severely neglected his health, drank a lot, and now here we are. He’s getting hospice at home and he can’t help anyone now.
It’s HIS turn to receive the help and support from others, but I wish it wasn’t like this and that he put himself first.
Thank you for your kind words and I know 100% everything you said is correct.
I’m going to try and put myself first and I have booked some counselling to help me with dealing with loosing Adam. I have always been the strong one who has been there but this is a different type of pain. I knew in my heart the day he was diagnosed my life could never be the same.
How are you dealing with the pain, your partner sounds like a great person to me. I hope you both had some good times and fun together. I know Adam and I had crazy times and laughed together a lot over the years.
I really appreciate you took the time to talk with me it really means more than you know.
Maybe speak with you again but I really understand if you don’t feel like it.
I think the counselling would be a good start, getting your thoughts together. In times of grief, it can be hard to make sense of everything, all the thoughts become a chaotic swirl and you struggle to know what day it even is. The counselling will give those moments of clarity where it all fits together
I’m pretty much on auto-pilot and can relate to what you said about being the “strong one”. I lost my Mum in August, and my Dad in January, after they both became ill at the same time and diagnosed with terminal illnesses. Not long after my Dad’s funeral, my partner had a sudden stroke which turned out to be a terminal tumour, and he only has weeks left. He will be the second partner to go (I lost a previous partner to suicide)
Like with my parents and now with partner, I focused on the arrangements, medical admin, phone calls, errands, the practical help they can no longer do. I.e. yesterday helping my partner change his clothes and get in and out of bed (no easy feat trying to lift a 6ft man!).
I still made sure I got some alone time to decompress though, to prevent burn out though otherwise I would be of use to nobody. I live alone so I can get time out when needed to get head space.
I think when my partner goes, the cumulative grief will hit me, but up until then, I’m still in survival mode.
and that he put himself first.
