Really not coping

On the outside I’m coping but on the inside I’m really not, when I’m with family I put on this brave face and I do seem to be ok but when I’m alone I just cry and I really mean cry, I miss my husband so much it’s my son 40th birthday this Thursday and I’m doing a family dinner but really cant see how I’m going to get through it, it will be the first dinner I have done since roger went and to see his empty chair at the table will brack my heart, I just hope my brave face holds up as don’t want to spoil it for them that would make me feel even worse
Was looking after my one year old granddaughter the other day and she was pointing at the photo of roger and there was me saying yes that’s your grandad with tears rolling down my face she gave me the biggest hug and that dried up my tears for awhile
Take care everyone linda

Hello Linda - How devastating time have so recently lost your husband . The pain is great . I would say you are doing ok - getting along in spite of your pain . Having a dinner get together with your family is courageous - to know there will be triggers ( you mention his empty chair) and to face them is evidence of your strength . We do function in a culture that wants us to hide our pain and put on a happy face . This is not easy and can short circuit our “ grief work” which is necessary for our healing . Find those few family members or friends who are able to let you show and share your grief - tears and anguish if that’s what you are feeling . I wish you comfort . You are not alone .

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Hi Linda. You will get through that family dinner, you might not think so at the moment but on the day you will find that strength for the sake of having a nice day with your family. You could put that photo of Roger on the table so that he is there with you all. Included in your dinner. If there is a tear or two, then why not, there’s no shame in having tears rolling down your face. I accept the tears as part of my life now they show my love for my man.
Take care Linda and enjoy that day.
xxx

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Hi Linda
You will get through dinner and you will enjoy it - and when everybody leaves you will have a good cry because your husband is not there
At times I find difficult to have my family together and not having Jack physically here - but very often i feel his presence
Now if you cry during dinner so what?? You will cry pothers will and then you will all smile because love is uniting you all
Sending you love
Sadie xx

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bless your heart. im going through a loss myself its only been 5 days since i lost my partner. do the meal for your son and involve your husband as much as you can. i understand how your feeling because im scared of the future things like birthdays fatherday christmas i feel guilty to do anything with out him. keep him alive through your family huni i hope you find the strength you need. i just signed into this page and i take comfort im not alone sounds bad but i was thinking poor me how will i ever cope in reality its not just me is it there so many of us just trying to breath

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Thanks for all your replies, I done the dinner for my sons 40th and they all had a good time at the top of the table where my roger used to sit was my 13 month old granddaughter in her high chair she was only 6 months old when her grandad died so seeing her laughing along side her two cousins ruby 9 and izzy 14 did help me, but with nine of us round the table I still felt so lost and alone, but I did manage to keep it together till they all went home,
But think the hardest part was I needed the chairs in the bedroom for the dinner and my husband never ever put his clothes away so the two chairs were piled high with his clothes which I haven’t been able to touch,but moved them onto his bed, and today I sorted them and put them out in a charity bag and they were collected this morning now I feel so bad wish I hadn’t done it I’m losing him and I want him so badly its seems to be getting worse not better
Take care xx

omg linda i feel for you. Im glad you got through the dinner it was the right thing to do and how precious your granddaughter took the head of the table. You are a very brave lady. I know why your feeling guilty and its understandable. when i got home from the hospital my daughters had moved all Chips stuff i had split feelings one was he was being pushed out and the other was thats good i couldn’t have coped with that today. I am terrified to sort chips stuff out because he was poorly he slept in another room he had bad ulcers on his legs so i didnt want to kick him. all his stuff is in there i have closed the door i cant do it all his bits and bobs stuff from Christmas he never got to use. I popped my head in twice just to smell him. one day ill have to sort it for now it can stay. I have decided to do a memory box for our grandson chip and Greyson they were like peas in a pod. Chip didn’t have much but a few little bits i can give Greyson when he is older. My daughter is pregnant and Chip didn’t make it to see the new arrival so my daughter has asked for a couple of chips tops to make special cushions for them. dont worry too much for letting Rodgers clothes go he doesn’t need them anymore. just keep a few bits that have meaning and most of all something that will never fade is all the wonderful memories hold them close to your heart and tell your granddaughter everything about Rodger xx

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