Really struggling and scared

I have a cpn who is on her holiday. I’ve barely slept in 4 days, lost all interest in food, people etc, my whole body feels so sore and i don’t know why. Im sorry for complaining but I get in such a state, I can’t think. My husband always took over when I felt down but this is a lot worse than before and I’m frightened.

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Hi honey, we all know how you’re feeling , it’s a bloody rough ride. I’m not far from you, just over on the Moray coast, i can see Dornoch over the firth, you’re not alone xxx

I feel so alone. His family dumped me straight after the funeral, my eldest daughter just tells me to get a grip, 2nd daughter is autistic and my son isn’t sure what the heck to do with me. I watched my husband shrink and in the most horrendous pain I’ve ever seen and was told to wait, which i understood, it had to be about him. But, even after 4 months no-one seems to understand how broken I actually am. Everyday I just want to lie on his grave and wait for him and get me. I think I’m cracking up completely. Gp was no blooming help, told me he thinks I have a virus.

My experience has been truly horrific too, i won’t go into gory details, i have no family at all, it was just the two of us. I am absolutely alone, so have decided to do something positive every day, and get through it all, as i know he would want me to. I have just turned 50, and am 7mths in losing the love of my life. But i have no intention of giving up, it’s a battle, i have to fight, like so very many others.

It sounds like things feel scary and overwhelming today, @Hzmartin, and that you need to be cared for right now. I’m really glad you have reached out for support - the community is here for you.

If your CPN is on holiday, could you call the duty desk and ask to speak to whomever is covering for her? Remember too that if you feel like you’re not able to keep yourself safe, you can call 999 or go to A&E.

Please take good care - you are not alone.

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