Losing my mum in january has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, I have days where I can function normally and enjoy life then other days where I’m so consumed by thoughts of my mum I just can’t get off the sofa! Today is on of those days for me, I just feel so sad, lonely and deflated. Im struggling to do anything or get thoughts out of my mind, it’s my youngest daughter’s 1st birthday and I feel awful and tremendous amounts of guilt for not been able to function at my best for my daughter who needs me. I know my mum wouldn’t want me to feel this way but I just can’t help it.
Hi
For what it’s worth I think you are absolutely normal and doing pretty well.
My mum died in june and I am still consumed with thoughts of her from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed. I never enjoy life since she went and just plod along trying to make the best of it.
I pretend to my daughter I’m ok because I dont want to upset her. I miss my mum so much and wonder if I will ever be happy again. Your mum only died in January. I couldn’t even think straight 3 months down the line and was off work for over 4 months able to barely function.
Of course our mums wouldn’t want us to feel like this but it doesnt make it any better does it? I love it when people tell me that.
I do feel lucky that I have a child to focus on because I dread to think how I would be without her, but again I just feel sick that she didnt have her nan into her 20s like I did.
Things will start to get better. Even though I’ve just said all that, I can see how far I’ve come. If you told me this time last year that my mum would be dead in 3 months time I would have told you that I may as well die too because I wont be able to deal with losing her. But, I am still here and I am hopeful that after a difficult couple of years I will enjoy whatever I’ve got left of my life. I’m sure a few giggles from your daughter will help lift your spirits today.
Cheryl x
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I lost my Mum suddenly in Feb, the day before my birthday. I’ve been struggling and find it difficult to do anything without crying. I have three kids, my middle one has crohn’s and is only 6. We are on complete lock down because of shielding him due to the medication he takes. I’m just completely devastated to have lost my Mum.
Thank you for your message. I’m sorry to hear about you mum passing away. I know what you mean about being consumed with thoughts, I have three daughters all under five and it is very difficult to really let me feelings out, I feel like I have to stay strong in front of them as they don’t really understand what’s happened and what I’m going through. I’ve tried to keep my usual routines as much as possible. I’m just having these really bad days and I feel so guilty for not wanting to do anything
I’m so sorry to hear you lost your mum not long ago, I also have three children and find it really difficult to function some days. It must be hard having to be on complete lockdown, I haven’t been out for weeks either due to my asthma, I think that gives us more time to think and mull over things about the passing of our loved ones. I’ve been stuck in my own thoughts for days now, having all this time to think really doesn’t help.
My children are 7, 6 and 4. I am not hiding my sadness from them. I feel they need to understand how I feel and allow them to ask questions if they need to. My oldest came to the church service with me (not to the crematorium).
We have been taking about Mama (what they called her) everyday and have made her cards and even made playdo models of her.
It’s hard to do the everyday things for them and the house it just so noises at times! X
I was always brought up not to really show emotions or cry Infront of people so it’s really difficult for me to just let me emotions out. I have cried many times alone or with my partner when the kids have been in bed. I think it was how my mum died aswel as the fact I have no more family my side or my partner’s, it’s just us and the kids 24/7 wherever we go they go, so unfortunately they’ve had to see quite alot, when we found out my mum had passed we had to travel and take them with us to her home that she passed in it wasn’t very nice, weve also had to take them to her funeral and see her coffin, it’s been so hard and we are both exhausted from it all, my eldest knows nanan was poorly and isn’t with us but somewhere else. Me and my mum was so close and always talked about death and what shed want to happen, she always said she’d want cremating and that’s what I did, I have her ashes at home and the children talk to her we all do, I bought her a card and some flowers for mother’s Day and when my time does come I want putting with her and burying somewhere. It is hard specially when the kids are being noisy and you just want to sit and think for a while. I hope you find some comfort in this site x
I’ve hidden nothing from my daughter but she is older than your children. She was 12 when mum died and just recently turned 13.
I havent been able to control my tears at all and am capable of crying even now when we are in a supermarket or her name is mentioned. Mum loved with us so we see her bedroom and living room every day x
My mum died on the 12th November 2018 at 2.55pm. We was told she wasn’t going to make it during the 2 minutes silence the day before. I went to see her and said goodbye and then I walked away. I couldn’t stay. I just waited for the phone call which came minutes before the school run. I don’t know how I did it . Nearly 2 years later I’m sitting here in the dark sobbing as all I want is my mum. I’m 41 but you never stop needing your mum. My son said to FaceTime her the other day and now I can’t stop thinking about talking to her and what I would say. When I speak to my friends they just reply with emojis. It’s not there fault they just don’t know. Qi don’t regret not staying with her to the end as I knew she had gone already. I would give anything just to talk to her again x
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Thank you for your message. I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s the worst feeling ever losing your mum isn’t it? I have my good days playing with he kids and keeping busy. Then I have these really dark days where I just can’t get up off the sofa and I’m stuck in a cycle of my own negative thoughts, wishing I could have done, said things differently. It’s good that you got to say goodbye to your mum although it must have been painful beyond belief. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my mum but I did see her a few weeks before she died and we hugged and she told me she loved me, I’ve really hung onto that. I know what you mean, we will always need our mum’s, and at times I feel her with me and that in itself is a comfort x