Really struggling

I’m 27 and lost my husband on the 22/11/18 after a 3 year battle with lung cancer! I’m really struggling at the moment because I’m all alone my parents live in France as do my husbands family as he was French, but they have never been great with us even when my husband was here! We didn’t have that many friends a lot of acquaintances but no one we can really count on! I just feel so alone in all this as I have no one to talk to about how I’m feeling! The one thing that’s really strange is that in 2 days time he will have passed away last year and it hasn’t even been 6 weeks, and that breaks me! I miss him so much and everything about him!
Amie x

I understand what you are feeling. On this site we have a collective understanding of the grief losing a partner can be like. You will find some comfort here and some reassurances that you are not going crazy and what you are feeling is normal for you. We are told that we should ‘do it in our own way’. I want to scream that I don’t want to …do it at all. We can’t get away from it and the isolation and loneliness will take you a long while to come to terms with. Your life must have been a long round of appointments and admissions with always the hope that it would be cured. When you care for someone on a daily basis you lose your reason for living along with your partner. I am sorry that your family and his are not supportive but it is early days for them too. To lose their son even though they seemed distant is still a killer blow. You must try to look after yourself but that is hard to do when life is a constant daze but do try as I did not and have been plagued with one thing after another. This is a bad time of year and everyone on this site will be glad to see the back of it. Maybe reach out to the family as they must surely understand that you need them now and they need your unasnthe link with their son Keep posting your feelings as at least you are getting them out in the open and no one here will think anything you say is strange.

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Talking about death and grief is very difficult. I’m a bit like that. I’ve tried to find out how my kids are about losing their mother but they usually quickly move on to something else. I actually get more back from my grandchildren and the are young enough to be uninhibited.
My wife was diagnosed with brain cancer over four years ago and given about 14 months to live. She actually survived for four years and had two brain operations and chemotherapy/radiotherapy.
Four years is a long time to live under a cloud but I suppose we all had time to get more used to the idea. Maybe family and friends can come to terms with things and do their grieving early. For the one that’s left it doesn’t work like that as we face a much bigger change and we face being alone.
It’s a big shame if you feel you can talk about things, and want to, but can’t find a listening ear. Maybe visiting your GP and see how you are placed regarding a referral for counselling would be a good option. You could check out Cruse and see if they have a local presence.

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Thank you both of you for your reply’s! I only have my mum and dad really and they are great but I don’t want to intrude to much on there life either and I know they don’t mind! My husbands parents only came to see their son once a year and never really phoned and since he passed away I have tried on a number of occasions to keep contact open but I feel they don’t want to! His mum actually said to him back in April we’ll she is nearly 30 and has her parents why does she need us! I was having counselling but 2 days before my husbands funeral I got a phone call to say she had gone of sick and they didn’t know when she would be back! My husband was given 6 months when first diagnosed so I’m incredibly proud of him for the fight he found, and yes I know what you mean it’s a very long time to live with the cloud over your head and then after you don’t know what to do! I met my husband when I was 17 so without him I don’t even know who I am because he’s all I have ever known! It’s just so hard because everyone else that’s grieving for him has someone to hug and hold them and I don’t and that’s extremely difficult and not I I begrudge people their loved one I just want mine and can’t have him!

I can fully understand why you feel like that. We had 49 years as an item and were married for 44. I don’t begrudge anyone else that they are still a couple as I doubt anyone could be happier than we were and they may not even have as long as we had.
For you that’s obviously very different. I have four kids and seeing them happy makes me happy. The thing that saddens me most is knowing my wife is missing out on so much. She was devoted to her seven grandkids.

Yeah it’s very difficult for everyone isn’t it! We had 10 years and all its not as long as some people it’s also more than some people had! And yeah it makes me sad that my husband is missing things and will miss things and for that I think we may always feel sad! He wanted me to do something with my life and be someone so I’m going back to school and it makes me so sad that I can’t ring him or tell him what I’m going to be doing!

Hello amielou27
I lost my husband to lung cancer October 27th 2018 so every thing is very raw for me too.
I totally agree and understand every thing you said I feel exactly the same about every one and every thing people haven’t a clue how we feel and how much pain,emptiness and loneliness we are going through.
I put on Facebook last night how much I am missing my husband especially on a Saturday night as it was our night/ time together just not having him here to ask him if he wants a coffee !!!
My friend(supposedly) told me to stop putting that crap on there!!! She said we know what your going through we do get it!!!
I couldn’t believe it, but guess what??? She isn’t my friend no more ,I really can’t be doing with people like it.

You take care I know what you are going through and if you ever want to chat or even private message me you are more than welcome x

Feeling the same, I have my dad and friends who are supportive, but am very cautious of constantly bending their ears. I don’t want them getting tired of me being miserable all the time and they have their own lives to live. You’re not alone when you’re reading on here that people are experiencing the same feelings.
It’s the simple things of watching tv, making a cup of tea, etc and not having someone to share those things with…

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