Hello everyone ,
Lost my father in law Monday 23rd December suddenly after a short illness that we didn’t think would take him .
To say we are all devastated is an understatement, I feel like not only am I grieving I’ve taken on my children’s grief of all of the lost opportunities and memories with him as not only did they adore him , he adored them especially my 11 year old Autistic son , they were best friends . 2 peas in a pod , went to football together and everything and that’s been snatched away from them and this is what breaks my heart every time I think about it .
Nikkitaylor, I am so sorry to hear about that, especially so close to Christmas. I can relate to what happened as my wife simply went in to hospital in November because of a chest infection. Texting away to people on the Friday, had a stroke on the Saturday and was gone Sunday morning. As you say, the suddenness is such a shock, even more so when it isn’t really expected. I’ve 4 children, their partners and 11 grandchildren, all of whom she adored, and who adored her. She touched so many lives, as I guess your father in law probably did too, by the sound of him. He must have been a lovely man. It took me from her death on 17 November to Christmas Day first thing to even come to terms with the fact she was gone, bawling my eyes out, so loudly I thought the neighbours would hear. That point seemed to be my “watershed” event, as I am now just beginning to cope, but have bouts of tears on a regular basis. I’m sure you do too. I too thought the burden was on me, arranging the funeral, with help from two of my children, order of service with another and my 4th looking after his wife who had a major operation shortly after the funeral. So you’re not alone in this, and the feelings you have are quite natural. But I’ve realised I can’t take on my grief, and that of everyone around me, especially that of so many outside our family. I’ve more than 80 sympathy cards sitting on every available surface in my lounge, but I haven’t read them yet, other than who they were from. I’ll do that when I feel ready. My daughters and sons couldn’t even put the cards up, but I see them as the love she had for others being returned to me. I find that comforting. Luckily my children all live near me, so we get together frequently and that’s a great help. I’m there for them, and they are there for me, and of course we are sad for each other, as well as for ourselves.
I hope you are able to get through this sad time without putting your own health at risk, by taking on too much grief for others. Sending hugs over the airwaves! 
M
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Thank you for your heartfelt reply and so sorry for your loss also .
I’ve lost grandparents and that was sad but never knew grief could be so painful . I know we will all get there but it never seems possible at the moment . Wishing you all the best in the new year with your family around you while you navigate your massive loss xx
Thank you Nikkitaylor. Yes it’s pretty tough isn’t it? I’ve just had a flurry of WhatsApp messages between my family here in the UK and in Australia. How amazing is technology today? Lifted my soul a bit as I couldn’t find a corkscrew to open a bottle of wine! Everyone was offering help, particularly my daughter next door. But eventually I found one and managed.
Hoping you have as good a New Year as you all can. I know it’ll be hard but take things as they come, and don’t worry. My wife always said, and wrote while she was in hospital. ‘Pray, hope and don’t worry.’ She lived that message from Padre Pio to her last hour.
Best wishes for 2025. M
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