Recently bereaved

I’m recently bereaved. I lost my wife of 45 years to lung cancer in May, after 18 months of her fighting it. She was 64 and had been given a stage 4 terminal diagnosis, with an expectancy of 3 - 6 months. In the event, she lived on for 18 months. Although I had all that time to try to acclimatise to things, still I seem to have been completely shocked and overwhelmed with grief. We both knew it was coming and yet when it did happen the sense of disbelief and disorientation was huge. Now, I struggle to find any meaning in my life and cannot see a future. How do I go forward?

Hello Rob,
I am so very sorry to hear you have lost your wife. I lost my mum in April and understand your feeling of not know how you are going to carry on. I do not have the answers, but I will say that every day is so different, There is physical and emotional pain which is over whelming at times but it passes. You need to just take one day at a time. Do everything at your pace and the way you want to do it. Do you have family and friends you can talk too? I found this site to be a good source of comfort, not because I wanted anyone else to feel as bad as I did but I knew that people really understood what I was feeling. Rob nothing can ever prepare us for losing the ones we love. It is just the most painful thing.
Sending you a hug and thinking of you.
Rachel

Hi,
To say sorry seems so inadequate at this test me,
I do know where you are I was told my Husband could not be cured he knew as well but are we ever prepared for it don’t think so.
Please keep posting n here you will find listening ears,so say whatever ,we are all grieving and have nderstand.
I lost my Love :heart_eyes: n February and did everthing at the time arranging funeral and all The necessary paper work now all those that were there seem to have gone and think you must be fine.
So lonely and each day is horrendously hard with the lock down as well.
Take Care.

Thank you so much for your reply. It does mean a great deal to me to connect with someone who understands. Everything is made more difficult because of the lockdown. I have found that after the funeral, people who had supported me closely began to drift away. They have their own lives of course and I guess the funeral gives others a sense of “closure”. But not me, of course. I have no close family, but I do have a few friends who are supportive. Thank you again.

Thank you for replying. I feel now that I am not alone. What you say about people drifting away has happened to me too. It seems that people find it hard to continue expressing their condolences and maybe they feel a little uncomfortable too. Your reply has made me realise that grief is being suffered by many.

Hello Rob,

I’m so sorry to hear about the recent loss of your wife. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Another good place to get support is Cruse Bereavement, they offer a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services

Take care,

Audrey

Online Community team

Hi Rob,
I have been thinking of you today and hope you are OK.
We could only have 5 people at mums funeral. People told me I would have closure after mums funeral but I didn’t, I don’t think I really want closure, I love my mum so much and closure sounds so final. Mum will live on in my heart and in my mind.
It is good you have some close friends that you can talk too. This site has really helps me. I have never had counselling before, but I must say when I was feeling extremely low I did speak to a lovely lady who got me back on track so that may also help you with your journey.
Look after yourself Rob and I am thinking of you.
Rachel

Hi Rachel, thank you for your post. I had a similar experience following Annie’s funeral, also limited in numbers. I have felt myself missing her more and more and also feeling increasingly isolated as those who had been supportive started to drift away. Now, I only really see Annie’s closest friend Julie and her sister on a regular basis. It is a desperately lonely time. I talk to Annie still. I feel her still with me. I have asked about bereavement groups in my area, but none are meeting at this time of course. I would join various things, like walking groups, but these also are on hold. So, I’m trying to be patient and live day by day. My God Rachel, it is so, so hard. I miss her desperately. I’m very grateful to you for writing. you are helping me. Rob

Hello Rob,
I am so sorry you are having such a bad time. It is so difficult. The sadness and pain comes in massive waves. I was so absolutely desperate and inconsolable. I do have days now when everything is easier so try and stay strong.
Thinking of you.
Stay in contact and be kind to yourself.
Rachel

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