Here out of hope and desperation. I lost my wife 5 weeks ago, although she had been ill for a few years it was unexpected. Married for 41 years and with her constantly for the last 4 as her carer. Now despite having a loving and caring family who have been so supportive i feel hopeless and lonely. I spent 95% of my life with her and that’s an enormous gap to fill. My children are grieving for a parent and i know how difficult that is, but this is so different. I am constantly in tears having not cried for many years, have waves of anxiety, very little sleep and the feelings are getting worse by the day. I have seen a doctor which was a very cold experience, was prescribed drugs to help me sleep. The quiet times are the worst and when i do venture out i hate coming home and spend hours in tears and confused, the morning after my wife passed away my 14 year old dog died in my arms and although not the same he was my night time company after hospital visits. sorry for rambling but i needed to get this out as i have started to hide my true feelings from my immediate family and am currently in a very dark place and cannot see a way out.
Hi Tonymaff
It is all so recent and what you are feeling is “normal”. It is so hard i am 55 now and lost my husband coming up for 2yrs in January. We were together 35yrs. The first couple of mths i think I spent on the floor sobbing. The way I dealt with it was one step at a time minut by minute.
The lonliness is very hard like yourself i sp2nt my whole time qith andrew didnt need anyone else. I am slowly trying to make friends and move on.
This site is great and I can only say everyone on here are very welcoming.
It helps as well as we all know what its like to loose our loved one
thanks Daisy
I’m so sorry and relate wholeheartedly to how you feel. My partner passed suddenly 9 weeks ago and you’re only five weeks bereaved. Your feelings are normal, the tears , the anxiety, the loneliness. I would say everyone on this site has felt those emotions. I’ve just had a friend say that I have to live my life for my partner now. I feel I just put people on a downer, but I refuse to say I’m ok when my heart is broken.
Hi Tonymaff
I can relate to your feelings of overwhelming grief & share many similarity’s, with regards to the dark places grief takes you.
I lost my beautiful life long partner/mum of my two boys that I’m am so proud of, after being together for 28 yrs together on 15/09/25, she didn’t have any long term illness, she was being looked at for a heart arrhythmia, she never suffered constantly with symptoms, she did eventually attend an MRI Scan 3 months later than she was planned to attend.
Within 45 mins of me leaving the house for a docs appointment in the village,I then came back ,my beautiful partner soulmate had suddenly Passed away, I tried my hardest to revive her which I’ve learnt since was not possible, as she had to undergo a post mortem being only 49.
The post mortem results came back, she had a subarachnoid hemorrhage which I’m told was instant, as I wrestle with the thought that she
Suffered while I was away for the shortest of time.
She also had a 75% blockage in the main artery to her heart.
I’m constantly questioning, if we’d had the results from the MRI to show the blockage, which maybe could have been rectified, she might not have suffered the subarachnoid hemorrhage.
There are multiple moments in the day that I think about her, the pain is everlasting.
Love & peace to you all out there.
xx
I’m so sorry and at the moment really don’t know how to respond to everyone. I guess one day I will be strong enough to do what you have and try to console others despitey your overwhelming feelings, all I can do at the moment is thank you all for caring.
I think sometimes it the only by caring for other people who are going through what we are experiencing makes any sense
I’m so good at making a joke and hiding what I’m feeling to many people unless they actually ask in a way that makes you think they want honesty
Sometimes it’s a relief to act naturally when I’m alone even when I’m out in a cafe or travelling And just let those tears flow
Someone who looks a lot like me has sent lots of cards and put up a tree Hardly any tears then I think that is the numbness of the situation
This site is a a place to share all the sadness and pain and the unexpected good
I’m 4 and a half months in It seem like a year living without him I know Paul would want me to try to look after myself which luckily I’m able to do including going to my kids every 2 -3 weeks I can’t believe it’s always going to be like this take of your selves x
I am almost a year into this awful new life that had been thrust upon us.
My story is that we had just returned from holiday, my husband seemed fit and healthy.
I went to bed early because I had been to work that day, I said goodnight to my husband and he said goodnight to me.
The next morning, I got up for work, my husband, who worked from home, was asleep in his chair, I wondered why he was not working. I tried to wake him, and the reality hit me, he was not asleep.
I tried desperately to revive him until the paramedics arrived, I failed, it was too late.
He was fifty eight, I really am still in shock. Life as you know it changes instantly, a new way of living emerges, part of us dies too.
I send you my condolences and love. Things will not seem real for a long time.
Even now, I look for him in the crowds, thinking maybe it’s a mistake, and that he is out there somewhere.
I understand your grief and pain, you will find so many similar stories on here, we all tread the same hard path.
Sending love and hope to you, take care of yourself , it’s true, the pain is everlasting. xx
So sorry for your loss and to reassure you that you have come to the right place for support. We have all been or are, where you are now, so we get it, it’s so raw for you at the moment so just functioning is doing well. Like you I lost my husband and 5mths after my 15yr old dog and the 2 losses literally broke me but I am almost 3 yrs on and there is light at the end of the dark tunnel you are currently in. The best advice at this time is to live hour by hour until you gradually gain some strength. It all takes time and processing the shock/trauma of it all. Please don’t hold your feelings in, they need a voice, so cry, rant, journal, talk it out and don’t resist the grief. I promise you it will get more bearable further along and you will find your own coping mechanism’s. Be patient, kind and caring with yourself and have no expectations or pressure on how to manage anything. Hold on tight and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. We are all here for you, so never think you are alone on this journey
Big hugs
You don’t need to absorb other people’s story so just take the love and compassion being sent your way
Lyn
I’m so sorry for your loss I know what you are going through .
Please take care of yourself