Recently lost my mum and struggling

My mum sadly passed away at the beginning of May this year. During her time in hospital we fully expected her to recover and come home but sadly it wasn’t to be. Her death has left a massive void in both mine, and my children’s lives. She was my best friend and as we lived close to each other, I saw her at least once a week. I’m really struggling to get my head around the fact that I will never see her again, never hear her infectious laugh, or read her funny texts to me. I loved and still love her so very much. Does this grief get any easier? I go back to work next week so I’m hoping this will be a bit of a distraction to help me focus on other things x

Hi Welshy10

I’m sorry you’ve lost your mum, I lost mine last month as well and I can’t get my head around it either.

Like you, we had hope she would recover but she never regained consciousness.

It doesn’t feel real does it? It’s like you can’t accept that you’re never going to see them again (in this life anyway).

I’m actually coping better than I thought I would, but I don’t know whether that’s the numbness or if my mum has sent me some strength to get me through and help support my dad (bit of both I think).

There’s nothing anybody can say, it’ll take time for the pain to ease, losing loved ones is an inevitable and devastating part of life, but we surprise ourselves. There will come a time when you’ll be able to look back at memories of your mum and smile, but for now look after yourself, take things at your own pace and seek support from friends and family.

Love to you at this sad time x

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Thank you so much for the reply KNW93. I’m very sorry to hear about your mum too and you’re so right, it doesn’t feel real. I was on auto pilot for the first few days - arranging the funeral like it was a normal everyday task! I’ve felt it hit me in waves since the funeral however - very surreal. It’s still just so very raw and I think I’ve gone through every emotion and then some! I have sought counselling which I’m hoping will help me rationalise things a little. It’s strange how you can feel so alone in your grief but so many other people are feeling exactly the same xx take care

My mum’s funeral isn’t until next Wednesday, it’s my birthday Saturday as well, going to try and celebrate it but events like birthdays, Christmas, mothers day etc will never be the same again, but it’s important to take it day by day and not look too far forward, cross that bridge when we come to it.

Looking at it logically, losing our parents is the natural order of things, our mum’s would rather it be this way. My mum had COPD which is progressive and in a way I’m glad it didnt get a chance to progress so much she was bed bound on an oxygen tank unable to go anywhere or do anything for herself, she would of hated that so much.

Do you have siblings? It’s a comfort to confide in them as they’re in the exact same boat, and good luck with the counselling xx

I hope the funeral goes well - it does give some “closure” for want of a better word. I have my mum’s birthday coming in August so that will be hard - I always saw her on her birthday. Same with Christmas as she always spent that day with us. Oh it’s so hard, it really is! Yes I do have siblings but they both live abroad so it’s a little more difficult.

I hope the funeral goes well for you - I was dreading my mum’s but it was actually a nice day and we celebrated her life xx

I lost my mum on the 5th May and am also struggling. Although she was poorly and we knew that she would never be cured, it all happened far more quickly than we expected. I feel very lost and alone and…even when I have a good day, it hits.me at some point.

Em

Hi Em, I know exactly how you feel. My mum passed away on the 4th May and was in hospital for just over 8 weeks. During that time she’d rally round and we’d all have hope she was coming home. I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with losing her. Like you, even when I feel I’m having a good day, I’ll suddenly feel so lost knowing I’ll never see her again. I can only hope that time heals for both of us. Lots of hugs x

Hello Welshy10, I am so sorry your lovely mum has passed away, I understand the pain and hurt of wanting to talk or hug her again. My mum passed way on July 3rd 2017 it was a shock because I prayed more than anything she would recover from her illness, she was a fighter, she was funny and loving. 1 year on nearly to the day I still go to text her or tell her about something when I am out, I feel overwhelmed at those moments and just cry until I remember she may be watching me and feeling sad that she cannot comfort me. I found it got easier but at the moment I am coming towards that day it happened, 3.15 am 3rd July I will never forget anything that happened but I remember her as my friend and helping me more than I can say. your mum will always be with you and I hope your grief lessens as the days go by x

Hi Welshy and everyone else,

I am sorry to read all your messages, we have the loss of our Mums in common and it is very hard. That knowledge you will never hear their voice again or hear them laugh. I didn’t think of it at first until a relative commented about my Mum’s very distinctive laugh.

I am a bit further along from you as am coming up to the second anniversary of losing Mum. Yes in some ways it does get easier, I don’t cry myself to sleep every night any more and don’t have explosive weeping jags when I am out but it still a constant pain I feel. I have lost a part of me, my best friend who never judged me and had my corner whenever I got into trouble. Even known to telephone my workplace and tear my boss off a strip for being unreasonable!

I can think of Mum now and remember the wonderful times we had together and the fun we had. I have been back to a couple of places we were fond of and enjoyed walking around there remembering her. I have a photograph of her by my bed so I can say hello to her in the morning when I wake up and good night when I go to sleep.

Yes it is easier but I am heartsore. I still take each day as it comes, some days I can carry on as normal, others I am very quiet and reflective. I know I will never be the same again but my Mum was very strong and would want me to cope so I do somehow. All I can say is be gentle with yourselves, little kindnesses and treats if needed. For me at the moment as strawberries are in season a bowl of those with some cream does seem to cheer me up.

Mel

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Hi Walk and Talk, I’m sorry to hear about your mum also x I actually went to text my mum the other day - force of habit but so heart breaking that I can no longer do it. I’ve read so much on the grieving process and I know everything I’m feeling is perfectly normal, and others here are feeling the same emotions which helps a little. I hope time is a healer - even though it’s only 6 weeks since she died it feels so much longer because there was rarely a day go by when I didn’t speak to her. It’s sad beyond words. Lots of love xx

Hi Mel, I am so glad that you hold lovely happy memories of your mum. I know my mum would be telling me not to be so sad - she was very pragmatic about dying and knew I would be the worst out of her three children for coping with all this! My mum was extremely strong too and such a fighter. I hope I have just a small amount of that strength to see me through all this. I’m hopeful that as time goes on, I’ll learn to remember her with a smile rather than a tear! I too have a photo of her by my bed - it just helps to see her xxx

Hi there I lost my mum at the end January this year and I totally know how you feel. She died suddenly of a heart attack and I still can’t believe it. She’d just turned 64 and was my best friend too. It’s so so hard. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes xxx

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Hi

Yes my mum was a strong and wonderful character, I feel she has instilled that in me too. Yes I agree having the photo by your bed does help. My Facebook page came up today with one of those memory photos from several years ago. A lovely photo of my Mum when we were out together. Her last really big outing before she got too old to really get around.

Mum used to sleep with a handkerchief under her pillow to hold if needs be. I have one of her favourite ones which I now sleep with and also hold in times of need. Like you I think Mum knew I would not cope as well as my sister. In fact I think I would surprise her with how I cope now after an extremely shaky and weepy start.

Mel

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Hi, I’m still taking it day by day. Some days are ok and others still very hard. I’m very sorry to hear about your mum too xxx

Hi
I’m so sorry to hear this. Like you, I lost my Mum this year too, on Mother’s Day. It was an extremely traumatic day combined with the terrible sense of loss and grief. Also like you, my Mum only lived over the road and I saw her constantly. Does it get better? Yes and no, you will have a “less bad” day but gradually you will start to feel less “out of control” and more able to deal with every day tasks. I’m a bit further along the “grief path” than you so happy to chat if you’d like?

I think we can often surprise ourselves and be astounded at just how resilient we are. I am mustering strength from somewhere! I know my mum would not want me to be as sad as I am - she really wouldn’t - so I am trying to smile at her memories rather than constantly wish “what if” as I cannot change what’s happened sadly. I seem to miss her more each day however xx

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