I lost my Mum out of the blue 5 weeks ago. Because she died so suddenly we had to wait over 3 weeks for a post mortem and now we can’t have the funeral for another 2 weeks. I don’t know what to do. I feel empty, I miss her and I keep waking up hoping it’s been a bad dream. I feel like part of me is missing and I can’t bear it. She wasn’t even poorly and it’s just been a horrible shock and the worst pain ever. I hope she knew how much I loved her.
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Hello @Blue10,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
I’m so sorry for your loss @Blue10 and I completely understand why you’re struggling to make sense of such a sudden loss. You will be in shock and right now just get through each day minute by minute, Be kind to yourself. I hope you have friends/family to talk to/be with? This site is amazing for support and maybe you should try and arrange counselling as it can take a while to come thru and it will likely help to process such a shock and the loss of your Mum. My Dad passed away last November and this was after a very short illness. We’d only been on holiday a few weeks before, walking across the beach together. We had to wait between Christmas and New Year for the service and it felt like everything was in slow motion. I have no doubt your Mum knew how much you loved her and the strength of your feelings now show this. She would have known too. Maybe use the horrible wait time to the service as a time to plan the most beautiful celebration of such a special person. Fill it with her favourite music/hymns/photos/poems…anything you think represent your Mum and all she loved during her wonderful life.
Sending 
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I’m soo sorry for you’re loss, I myself lost my mum on 2nd july and my dad on 26th April this year. My heart just feels soo heavy with grief and all I do is cry because I miss them both soo much. I’ve just joined this group looking for some support for my grief like yourself I am really struggling. I don’t know if this is your thing or not but i got my dad’s last heartbeat and a butterfly with angel wings tattooed with their ashes it makes me feel closer to them knowing I have a part of them with me all the time, not that they aren’t i feel their presence and it comforts me. I hope you get the help you need to deal with you’re grief x
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Thank you for getting back to me. I do have family to support me but I feel like I have to help everyone as I’m the oldest and I also am a single Mum with a teenage son. Yesterday we went to my Mums to start packing her things away, I brought bags of things and photos home just because I couldn’t bear to give anything away 
We are finally having the cremation for family and church service for everyone afterwards on 31 October. I will be speaking at the service and also writing the eulogy; there’s so much to say as my Mum was a wonderful lady. I know it’s going to be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done but I want to honour her. I’m still struggling so much and finding it hard to imagine life without her
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Thank you for your reply. I am going to have a tattoo although I haven’t decided on a design yet. When we have the ashes I am thinking about scattering some in a special place but also keeping some and having a piece of jewellery made. We are finally having the service on 31 October. I know it’s going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and even now I still haven’t come to terms with the fact I’ll never see her again or give her a hug. Life just feels so cruel and I hate it
I’m so pleased you have a good support network @Blue10 and even though you’re the eldest, don’t feel you have to shoulder all the grief The eulogy you’re planning sounds beautiful and just as it should be in celebrating such a special, wonderful person.
When we went thru my Dad’s clothes, I kept some back and my auntie made a couple of memory bears out of two shirts, one for me and one for my adult daughter. They’re beautiful. Maybe you could do that with your Mum’s clothes? We’re going to do the same as you and have some jewellery made using my Dad’s ashes. The rest we’ll scatter (my daughter has already scattered some recently when she went back to our last holiday place with him) and I’m going to keep some too in a little urn. I just can’t bear to think they’re all scattered and I don’t have anything left and for me, I also hate the thought of them being buried - it wasn’t him…he was such a free spirit.
I hope today is kind to you and sending
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I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me after you have also lost your Dad and are dealing with your own grief and loss I hope you also have support. It’s just awful isn’t it? The reality is we all know everyone dies at some point and it’s always a shock however it happens. It’s just totally knocked me as I’d spoken to Mum two days before and she was fine and was going to come to Anglesey with myself and my son over half term as she has friends there. Now it’s going to be me, my son and my brother are going for a few days to be with her friends. It’s going to be awful without her but also comforting as we can all share our memories. I just miss her and I can’t imagine it ever getting easier as people keep telling me!
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Awww, that’s ok @Blue10 and yes, it really is a horrible place to be, dealing with grief. I’m very fortunate and have lots of support from friends and family. Everyone has been so kind.
It really does get easier, once that horrible raw disbelief has subsided. I’m settled into a place now of missing the physical presence of my Dad but also being able to look back on so many happy times with him without feeling an overwhelming sadness. I still cry at times but those moments luckily are fewer now than they were. My Dad was such a pragmatic person, I know he’d be telling me to get a grip and get on with living the best life I can. I try to do that in his memory.
It will be hard to be away without your Mum but maybe going somewhere she was going to come with you might bring some comfort to you. She’s always in your thoughts and heart so she’ll be with you as well. Take something of her’s with you, a piece of jewellery maybe, might bring her closer again while you’re away. She sounds a lovely person you were blessed to have been your Mum.
I hope amongst the sadness, you can make some precious family memories on your trip away I’ve always been able to talk about my Dad and laugh at things he said and did, even in the early days. It kept him so present to me.
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I am crying every day and not sleeping well at all at the moment. I miss everything about her. She was amazing. She would be saying don’t you be upset all the time and you need to look after yourself and your son. It’s harder said than done isn’t it? I just wish she could have stayed longer with us. I’ve got loads of photos of her and a bracelet and necklace I wear everyday. I do smile when I think of her but I’m still in disbelief as it’s only been a few weeks and the sadness is overwhelming especially as she won’t see her grandson grow up and the fact I can’t talk to her anymore. I have a book called Letters to my Mum in heaven and I write to her whenever there is something I want to tell her Thank you again for your kind words. You are a very thoughtful person.
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Hi @Blue10
I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand where you are coming from as i went through the same thing in feb this year. My mum was fit and well and she just died at home on her own and we found her. Like you i was devastated and in shock. I had to sort through all her stuff which is awful, wait for post mortem, arrange the funeral and write the eulogy. Its all been so hard. Im glad we were able to give her a good send off at the funeral, it went really well. I had counselling at the start to help with the anxiety i was feeling from the shock. It really helped. However i have notoced in the last few weeks its hit me really hard again and im wondering if this is now the grief as i was in shock before. I really feel for you, its such a hard thing to go through. I wish i had a chance to say goodbyrle
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My brother was with my Mum when she died and he was the one that had to ring everyone and tell them. I feel awful that he had to go through this but part of me also feels guilty that I wasn’t there. I am writing the eulogy and we are currently in the process of sorting through all Mums things at her home which is awful. We have the funeral on 31 October which will be difficult but I want to do my best and give Mum a send off to be proud of. Everyone loved and respected her and she was just the most caring woman ever. This is just the worst thing I’ve ever had to go through and once we have had the funeral I am going to look into counselling as I just don’t feel like myself anymore.
Soo sorry for your loss, your mum wouldn’t want you to feel guilty, give yourself a break. It’s an awful thing to experience. I lost my mum and dad within and and a half weeks of each other and I’m heartbroken. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same person I once was, I miss them both soo much xx
@Blue10 i think we probably all feel guilty in some way. All i know was that the initial shock was so huge that i just had to go day by day. Like you i had so much to do and now i look back and its all a bit of a blur and quite surreal. I have restarted counselling as i think there is an element of ptsd for me and i cant seem to process it all. I wish you all the best for the funeral, its so hard but also lovely to be able to celebrate her, and thats the way i dealt with it
I have also just lost my wonderful mam 6 weeks ago within 7 months of diagnosis of cancer. I am lost without her and absolutely devastated. 
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@Claire546 soo sorry for you loss I lost both my parents within 9 weeks of each other but my mum’s death has hit me the hardest i don’t think I’ll ever get over it
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Thank you for getting back to me. I’ve not been on here since before the funeral. Tomorrow we have to go and pick up Mums ashes .
I really don’t know how to get back to normal. I know I have to though and I’m still struggling to come to terms.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents. That must be absolutely devastating. You will never be the same person but will have to find a new different way of life. Just try to take each day as it comes and if you need to cry just do it. I have a new Letters to my Mum in heaven and Everytime I want to speak to Mum I write it all down then read it out. It’ll never make up for the loss but does give me a feeling of still being able to speak to her.
Remember to look after yourself
I am so sorry for your loss. It is the worst feeling ever isn’t it? All I can say is you need to give yourself time and take each day as it comes. Step by step. Life will never be the same but our parents would not want us to stop our lives altogether. If you need to cry then just do it. I cry when I go to the shops, just need to let it out and not bottle up feelings. Be kind to yourself