Recently Widowed

I’ve only just lost my wife of 37 years and am at a total loss…My emotions are all over the place and out of control.
I’m switching from gut wrenching horror to blubbering mess in a heartbeat, I can’t think, I can’t focus yet I have to deal not only with my feelings but the bureaucracy of the state


@Snosrap I am so sorry to read this and apart from my sympathy and my wish that you will find some solace here, I’m afraid I can offer little other than to say what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. Those grieving seem to tick the same five emotional boxes, not all at the same time, and not all with the same intensity. Personally, I’ve not found time to be the great healer I was promised, the pain and the emptiness of losing my wife of forty nine years hasn’t gone away but perhaps has dulled a little. Similarly, the memories that I was told will be a great comfort to me; they have proved rather empty without the person I made them with.
The best advice I was given by a friend who’d lost her husband to cancer was: “Be kind to yourself”, by which she meant, don’t blame yourself for things that you can’t change.
If people ask how are you, don’t feel obliged to pretend that you’re OK, when you’re not and don’t be afraid to ask for help, there’s strength in that, not weakness.
I hope that you may find comfort in your grief.


Hi there. So sorry to hear your loss. Little different situation, but I lost my mum 7 weeks ago. Was a total mess. You didn’t say how long since your wife passed? But if it is very early days, we’ve all been there and many of us are still struggling to cope. It’s natural and will take time. And yes ‘be kind to yourself’ (how many times have I heard that since my mum passed) and it’s true. Don’t beat yourself up. Take care of yourself. You matter and need to keep your strength up. The ‘blubbering’ does ease a little, I’ve found at 7 weeks, but I’m still very emotional. Everything will trigger you at some point. Yesterday for me, it was finding an old packet of sweets in her handbag. Cry when you want, the release does make you feel better. There’s no easy way through it. xx


@Snosrap - I am so sorry that your wife, your companion and partner in everything for over 37 years, has died. This is brutally hard. The pain, confusion, doubt, shame, guilt, anxiety, all of whipped up by grief into its perfect storm. I know this all too well. I’m 18 months in now, but remember those early days and weeks so well. The confusion, the decisions that had to be made, trying to save a struggling business and get a property redevelopment back on track - and all while trying to wade through the enormity of probate. What you are dealing with right now is horrendously hard and you are doing it with a broken heart and a huge gap in your life. All this said, my friend, I promise you, you will get through these days, those forms, this struggle. Inch by inch, you will tick the admin off and get probate if that is what you are working on. It will seem impossible, as the saying goes, until, quite suddenly, it is done. For months I was desperate every day and then, in its strange way and its strange magic medicine, grief got easier to bear, life got easier to navigate. I came up for air and stayed up. I’m still here, as proof that it can be ok. For now, my friend, be gentle on yourself. Maybe set 3 tasks a day for the to-do list, tick 'em off and get out into the air for walk. And keep talking to your wife, I found that helped me manage my loss that little bit better. You have come to right place for advice, support, encouragement. We walk together through this, linking arms and giving each other strength to do the next day, and then the next. I hope you have a good day today, and keep going. x


So sorry for your loss .i lost my partner 13 weeks ago and even though i have gone back to work there is not a day goes by when i shed a few tears .you hear people saying oh it gets better .but from ewar I’m standing it doesn’t feel like it i talk to her pictures every day. Especially when i get in from work thats when the tears start.i think its the emptiness that effects you more


I am in my 22 week of loosing my partner i think it will never go away but you do learn to take each day as it comes your love for them only gets stronger thats what helps i found its coming back to a empty house that upset me the most so now i try and fill each moment with things we both loved so my only advice to you is do something every day that you both loved and think of them as if they are still with you