Recently widowed

My lovely husband passed away in October, we were married for 47 years and together for 52. When we found out he had a shadow on his lung we were devastated, we went through the usual system of tests and treatments, but just 9 weeks later he passed away at home. I was numb at first with no real tears, and I couldn’t stand the quiet in our home. I used to have my music on so loud it’s a wonder the neighbours didn’t complain. Then suddenly this overwhelming sense of sadness has landed in my heart and soul, a feeling I am struggling to shake off. I cry myself to sleep at night, I wake at all odd hours unable to get back to sleep, just the basic day to day things are now so overwhelming I struggle to get up and dressed. I have a beautiful daughter who has been nothing short of amazing, two beautiful grand kids but it just doesn’t seem enough. At this moment I cannot even imagine a future without my fella. I have a couple of friends some who have been very supportive, one in particular is very understanding, but I feel so lost, I don’t know where I ‘fit’’ anymore, as I said I have friends but I have never felt so alone, and most people are now back to normal, I think I feel worse now than I did at the beginning, everything is a reminder which just tips me over the edge. I have a little dog, so I need to get up each day, but even with her I have had days when this tsunami of grief takes over and I can barley get out of bed. I feel like half a person, I feel I have nothing to look forward too, and I miss his smile, his smell, his voice it’s unbearable.

Hello, I just read your post. I absolutely know what you are going through. I lost my mum suddenly to lung cancer in December. I have a wonderful family, but grief is such a lonely place. I know what you mean when you say it feels like it gets worse. Some days I feel like I might completely lose my mind…It’s all so overwhelming. Trying to do the normal things is exhausting. I have to get out of bed for my children, but some days I don’t know how I do it. It’s so hard, isn’t it? I just tell myself take one day at a time, that’s the only way I keep going. In my area there is a support group just for people who have lost their partners. Have you thought about looking for a local group? I know a lady who goes and she said it’s really helped her being with others going through the same thing. The group do nice things like going on trips, meals, etc. Just a thought, but there’s always someone ready to listen on this site. Don’t feel alonex

Hi Clare’s thank you for the reply, it’s just good to write things down, and to find others in the same boat, I think you are right about one day at a time, it’s the willpower needed sometimes just to ‘be’ if you know what I mean. Take carex

HI Carol Anne

I read your post and so much of it resonated with me. I too lost my husband unexpectedly in October. Like you say it’s difficult to know where you ‘fit’ in now. I was such a busy, confident person but now I feel like a shell of my former self. The overwhelming sadness never leaves and motivation is at an all time low. Sometimes
It’s really hard to get going. Every day is a struggle and even when you are with friends you still feel so alone.

Just wanted you to know that you are not the only one feeling like this. Sending you a hug.

Yvonne x

Hi Scorpio, thank you for the reply, and I can only say how sorry I feel for you, because I know exactly what you are going through. I get the sense a few of my friends who haven’t been through this, are thinking, 5 months is long enough!! Get on with your life. I am hiding a lot of my grief and only ‘letting go’ when I’m on my own. I tell people “I’m ok” when they ask, but I’m not! I think grief embarrasses most people, and as I’m the first of my girlie group to be going through this, it will be an eye opener for most if it happens to them. I want to talk about him, and reminisce about our life, don’t get me wrong he drove me mad at times, but by gosh did I love that man, he made me feel safe, whole and very loved, nothing comes close. I have very calm days when I can recount everything that happened, then I have days when the reality hits, that I will never see him again, when I mentioned this to my mother, she looked at me and said,” you do know he’s dead, don’t you”, I just couldn’t believe my ears.even my own mother doesn’t seem to understand. It really does help putting things down like this and realising I’m not alone, thank you,sending a hug back Carol Anne x