Recently Widowed

After caring for my husband for 11 years he very sadly passed away three weeks ago . Will the pain I feel ever get better and how do you move on x any help greatly appreciated

Hi, your grief I’m afraid is still too raw for you to be able to move on yet. From what I am experiencing 6 months down the line, you don’t move on you just learn to live with the pain, or so I’m told. I certainly haven’t got there yet. I am still waiting for that door to open and a light to shine through. One day I know it will happen but I am still waiting. I am determined to find a life of sorts. I’m sorry to say there is no real help at this time. Patience and hope is what I am trying for. But it really is up to the individual how you choose to cope
My way has been to keep busy. We fortunately have allotments and I have these to look after. We walked distances and I still do this with my dogs. I find nature therapeutic. In the beginning | went a bit mad and sorted through everything which was a mammoth task, selling, donating, decorated, shovelled barrowloads of muck on the allotments. Walked miles. As well as sorting out all the paperwork, banks, pensions etc. I overdid it a bit and burned myself out. So be careful if you choose this road. I do not, as yet want to rush out and join clubs or be in groups of people. I take it one step at a time and feel that life will come to me in time and when I’m ready. I feel that no matter how many people I’m with, the one I really want isn’t there. There’s no right or wrong as you will see from reading these posts. but you are among people that do understand, who are going through exactly the same emotions as yourself, so your not on your own and you can say anything and get a response. So join in it really does help through this horrid grieving process.
Take care xx

Thank you , unfortunately I have you go back to work next week as bills still need to be paid. I’m hoping this will keep me busy and help me move on but not expecting too when I still cannot look at pictures yet or listen to music .

Thanks for the advice and letting me know I’m not alone .

Yes work might well help, there were times when I wished that I was still at work. However I used the allotment like a job and worked there throughout the winter months, it did help but I didn’t have to see people if I didn’t want to. I walked my dogs for hours and this was also a help.
Some members want people around them, some want to be alone. We all have to cope as we feel comfortable. You will find your own way.
My husband was a Country and Western singer and I have tapes of him singing and still cry buckets when I listen to them. I can’t listen to Country and Western music as yet.
Good luck and keep posting as you will find it helps, especially on bad days.
Pat xxx

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hi KC i hope you get the help needed from family or everybody is theres no time scale for bereavement,so if like me youve the odd insensitive so called friend who say just move on,ignore them and do what ever makes you need to do to try get through this.and i lost my partner Jayne on 10th feb and im not coping at all,im having bereavement counseling and i had 2 friends who help by listening to me talk endlessly about Jayne and how i miss her and that Jayne was my world and i love her so much.I cry buckets of tears every day and im very emotional most of the time ,i just wish i was with her or that i could of gone a service at the hospice chapel ,the chaplain talked about losing her mum,and that the pain of the loss never goes away but we learn to live with the loss and learn to doubt some will take less time for this to happen others a lot longer,just go at your own pace and hopefully you will come out the other end and learned over time to cope better with life.youshould try get bereavement counseling ,not that it helps every body.good luck and so sorry for your loss.
regards ian

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