Thanks for your reply. What you said does make sense. I need to stop beating myself up. Easier said than done.
Take care
Gary x
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Thank you Flower and Sheila
Yes what you say making sense - maybe we want to punish ourselves to explain our inability to keep our loved ones alive
Sadie x
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I’m 2 years down the line Gary & its been a struggle but I can say I feel brighter & I do feel an internal warmth whenever I now look at pictures and remember the happy times.
For me there was nothing that could be done to speed up the healing, it just took time, I know a lot of people say that time doesn’t heal but for me it did.
If someone had told me 2 years ago that I would slowly recover I wouldn’t have believed them, yes I’m battered and bruised & still miss & yearn for my husband but I can also enjoy life and be proud that I was by his side helping him through the worst time of his life, I’m proud that I honoured my wedding vows.
I wish the same healing for you.
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Thank you so much for telling me your story. I hope you continue to heal. It’s still all new to me and I’m not in a good place at the moment. Deep down I know I loved her so much and I cared for her 24/7 for the last 18months. I hope in a couple of years I have learnt how to live with the grief.
Take care
Gary x
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Dear Sadie
I totally understand everything you have said it’s like you have read my mind … If only we could turn the clock back … I thought my wonderful husband had more time with me so things were left unsaid … I’ve played every scenario possible over and over in my head since I lost him but I know I can’t change anything now it’s too late … It haunts your nights and stops your sleep … I took him and our lovely life for granted I wasted time on things that I now know where unimportant … I do honestly think deep down that he knew how much I loved him but I do wish I had done things differently … I didn’t want to say how I felt because I didn’t want to face the thought of a future without him so I pretended instead … It’s hard not to feel cheated out of the life we should have had … It’s hard to not dwell on the should have beens … Regrets I think we all have them but we must find the inner strength to carry on as best as possible because if we give up what’s our life been all about … I hope that you and I will one day find peace and acceptance in our grief … Sending you all my very best wishes at this most awful time … People do care 
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Do you know Carole , I even regret not making more apple pies!!
Sadie
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Sadie I too feel exactly like you . I feel I took Chris for granted and also our lives for granted. I constantly go over it every day in my head , it torments me to be honest . I suppose though we are all guilty of that . If I could turn back the clock knowing what I know now things would be different and I so wish I could turn back the clock. Xx
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Never, regret, you did, what was right at the time, my story, if you will indulge me, I rushed home from work, she was on the floor, I regret, not bean able to save her regret, being to slow getting to her, ,regret going to work that day. Regret, won’t bring her back. Rejoice, you knew him, Rejoice, you made his life better, Rejoice, one day,you will meet again. Love to you, be at peace.
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