I lost my mother in November, and in common with so many others, I’m really struggling with feelings of regret and guilt. Things from YEARS ago I should have done/said. Things from years ago I shouldn’t have done/said. And regret and guilt for being so inadequate over recent years and in her final weeks. I know, in my heart, that my mother would be telling me that I have absolutely nothing to feel regretful or guilty about. But I can’t make myself believe that. It’s just so unfair that grief makes us punish ourselves like this.
I think this is all part of how are brains are trying to process our loss @Seaside23 & also many of us are suffering from PTSD from the trauma of events leading up to our mum’s passing
Why can’t we remind ourselves of all the things we did well 
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Very good question!! It’s like we are determined to punish ourselves.
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We love them so much that no matter how much we did it would never be enough.
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I know what your going through the guilt for me is so overwhelming. I was her main carer and i found it so hard to cope sometimes and i would shout and lose my temper often. I regret every episode but we are only human. I never gave up looking after my wife. If only is the worst feeling. If only i had been more patient but unfortunately life is not like that. Im sure you did what you could under difficult circumstances X
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Same here. It’s eased a little now, after a year, but the guilt still attacks when I least expect it and it still floors me. Objectively I know that I did do good too, but I can’t feel it and like you, can’t believe it. I regret so many things and wish I had done so much differently. I think it gets worse because we can’t fix it, apologise or make up for it. If our loved ones had lived, they could have told us it’s ok. But robbed of that we have a harder time letting it go. Many hugs. 
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Absolutely. Totally agree that they’d tell us not to be so daft - that we’ve NO REASON WHATSOEVER to feel guilty! But knowing that and believing that are two very different things. It’s so cruel!!!
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