Relationship breakdown after husband looses his parents

General chat
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Evening,

My husband and I have been married for 20 years and have 4 kids in their early 20’s, late teens and an 8 year old. I lost my mum 19 years ago and she was only 48 years old. I wouldn’t have got through this time without my family and my husband.
My husbands had a lot to cope with recently as his dad died in 2020 during covid lockdown, his best friend died in 2021 with a brain tumour and his mum died at our home just in June there. I was very close to his parents and my husband always wanted to make them proud of him and he held his dad on a pedestal as he worshiped the ground he walked on. My husbands not been great since the loss of his dad as it was horrible circumstances due to covid restrictions. He leant on his friend for support only to loose him a year later. And now his mum has passed away also. He’s beating himself up for not visiting his mum more or keeping himself busy while she was staying with us. He’s going through a lot of reflection on his past and our relationship and is feeling guilty for some things that has happened and how he’s behaved. He announced the other week that he’s just not feeling anything anymore, that he’s not been a good husband and that we are niggling at each other, he’s saying hd doesn’t want to have another 20 year married to me feeling like this and he’s saying he wants to be on his own but will ensure I’m financially set up for life with a house and the kids will always come first and he will support me with them. He’s been disconnected from the family for some time but his work he’s away a lot so I’m struggling to see why he’s asking for more space when he’s away so much as it is. He spends his time at home on the phone upstairs away from me but has been doing this for a while now and has stopped telling me things. I’m hoping it’s just the grief and not someone else. He’s open to getting couples counselling but what’s worrying me the most when he opened up about how he was feeling it was how much thought he’s put into him living along and he’s already started putting plans in action which is concerning me the most as I feel he’s too far gone to get back and the more space I give him the further away hd will get. I just want him to know we’re here for him and how best to support him just now :pleading_face:

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Hello @Gill2022, thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry your husband has had so many losses in such a short period of time - it sounds like things are very difficult for him, and for you too right now.

You mentioned that you want to know how best to support him. We have a Supporting someone who has been bereaved resource which you might want to take a look at. I hope there are some ideas in here which are helpful to you.

Take good care
Seaneen

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Hi

That’s hard your going through so much I found that after losing someone you should all get stronger together you know the ones left behind but it doesn’t work like that in most cases.

It’s bad enough dealing with the loss then dealing with other issues on top I feel for you as your grieving too all you can do is give him the space but focus on yourself and your children your human too.

The worst thing is having regrets we all have them but we did our best.

I know how you feel he should have connected with you more but his distancing himself and making you feel he either needs space or has found comfort elsewhere you should sit down and ask him you deserve to know the truth your in pain too.