Morning everyone I hope you are all as well as can be I just wanted to ask if anyone s relationship has changed with losing a child. My partner said I’ve changed since loosing my daughter and maybe I have I have no interest in much atall and I feel he’s not supporting me very much. We are not married but I feel we are drifting apart has anyone else felt this. Shellyanne xx
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Morning shellyanne. I can certainly say loosing a child definitely changes a person,. My wife wasn’t the biological mother of my son. She has been nothing short of amazing, she’s had to live me, and my moods swings have been all over the place, it’s definitely tested us, but we seem stronger for it. But I no of a few people who have broke up after the passing of a child. It’s very hard to try and continue as " normal" after such trauma. Hope things work out for you.
Jim
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Hi Shellyanne.
I lost my daughter 11 weeks ago she was 19. I am really struggling at present and I am so absorbed in the grieving process (if you can call it a process) that I have no real emotion left for my partner. We are also grieving very differently to each other which I think can cause some conflict. I am getting through each day but it’s not living, nothing is enjoyable, everyone and everything is just a distraction and I have lost any motivation to do anything. Just meeting people for coffee, getting dressed and cooking is enough. I am a different person and possibly will always be very different from now on. I would like to think that one day I can be much more loving again and be able to show this love too. I am doing all the things I am supposed to going to SOBS group, have a grief companion, reading books, accepting support but I still feel devastated, heartbroken and in so much pain so I don’t have any energy left to give anyone else. I just wish I could turn the clocks back and save my daughter. Andy X
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Morning Andy so so sorry for your loss don’t be so hard on yourself 11 weeks is so raw and emotional and all the feeling s you are having I’m still having now and I lost my daughter in Jan this year I think yesterday was the day I have felt more normal if you can call it normal most days it’s a struggle doing the everyday things I feel the same I’m very empty and very alone Ive read on these support groups that relationship s sometimes s drift apart because the other partner isn’t the biological mum or dad and doesn’t understand the same or they are grieving in their own way like me you go in on yourself and you can’t think of anything else but your daughter and how you can go on without them and all the what ifs could anything else could have been done. Feelings of guilt it goes on and on I just hope you can keep coming on to this support group they are lovely and supportive we are all going through the same thing . I hope you can find some comfort on here. I come on everyday and tell people how I feel I think it helps because you are not alone and we are all feeling the same as what you are now. Take care. Shellyanne
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we lost our son on the 29th May, he was 41 and severely disabled and I had cared for him all of his life. I miss him so much and am finding it hard to get through each day. I don’t want to leave the house, I go through the motions , washing, dressing cooking, house work etc. I feel I just need to take each day at at a time and don’t want to look beyond that. My husband on the other hand feels he needs to go out, for a coffee, for a meal, a holiday, meet friends. I just can’t face this and get so upset when he suggests it. We did go away just after our sons funeral and I went through the motions but I was in such a state when we came back and nothing had changed.
I know we need to support each other but it’s so difficult when we are both needing different things. I have agreed I will go out next week with our other son and his family to a place our son loved. I know it’s going to be hard but I feel I have to try.