Relationship + The Loss of A Child

Hi all,
We are currently going through every parents worst nightmare with our 2 year old now in the end of life stage after fighting cancer since he was a baby. My husband and I have previously lost our son Henry who was stillborn in August 2019 but we had managed through. Now I am struggling especially as this cruel disease takes away my baby and it takes its toll on our marriage . My husband and I have completely different ways of coping. I am a positive person and want to focus on giving our little boy a nice and peaceful end to life. My husband is wonderful but very negative and I feel his grief comes about in anger. He yells and swears at our dying son ( only when our toddler is having meltdowns or refusing medications though ) and I am mortified. I don’t know how to handle his anger and I’m looking for help on this. I can’t fathom being angry when we have so little time left but I don’t know how to make my husband find a better way of venting

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This is so difficult. Obviously you’ve tried to talk to him and failed. Can you resort to professional help in the form of a specialist bereavement counsellor/nurse from your treating team? Does he have a relative who he’d talk to? It really does sound like he needs help urgently. You are in desperately tragic and hugely difficult situation, one in which every one will respond differently. Your husband needs to know that his behaviour is causing huge distress at a time when you both are struggling to post. There’s all sorts of complications, such as the different feelings between partners towards a baby.
I can only send you my empathy and the hope that you will find the help that you need.
Christie xxx

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Dear mamatoboys,
What a heartbreaking situation you and your husband are finding yourself in. I agree with Christie that you and you and your husband will need professional help and support, I saw in your profile that you live in Australia. Here in the UK there is a lot of help available, for example from children’s hospices. I did some research and found there are only 3 children;s hospices in Australia, Maybe you have been in contact with one of them? On one of their sites I found an article you may find helpful, specifically on how to help a partner. There are also some phone numbers you could ring for advice. Here are the details:


Sending you a big virtual hug at this difficult time.
Jo
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Sometimes it’s, easier to express anger than the pain and upset. Not the same situation but when my sister was in end stage cancer I often got angry not towards her but my husband it was a, easier less traumatic emotion than the utter devestation and pain I was in. I’m thinking it might be that way for you’re husband.

I hope you’re little boy finds peace.

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