Relationship with mother in law

My wife passed away 7 weeks ago with Metastatic breast Cancer that had spread to the bones then the liver she was 51.
Tanya my wife had a very strained relationship with her Mum but she got a lot stronger towards her but after Tanya was diagnosed in Aug 2019.
The mother in law picked on me because I was week emotionally with worrying about Tanya she would say things that Tanya would go into a morphine coma & just say things that would upset me she was very manipulative even at Tanya’s funeral she would not come inside the service I approached her after the service & said I hope I done my best for Tanya’s service & she said no I would have done things differently talk about kick me when I am down.
We have a soon to be 14 year old Daughter Amy & the mother in law has said not nice things to her but Amy wants a relationship with her & I am worried sick what she is goung to say to Amy as she would use her to get at me my broken heart is screaming out no but I have to give Amy that option even though is scares me.

I’m so sorry for your loss, at a time when you needed support you didn’t get it, to be charitable I assume she was grieving as well, I can fully understand why Amy wants a relationship with your Mother in law, but I think it’s early days and feelings are very raw, so I would give it time to let things and feelings settle down, but please remember you did everything possible for your wife, and she will have known that, you have nothing to reproach yourself about, I hope you have people around you to support you and Amy, just take a day at a time, some days will be better than others but you will get through it, we all do, sending love to you both xx

Thanks very much for that.
That is why I joined this group so I could write things & not be judged.
I really appreciate all the advise.


Hi. Geoffs. I am so sorry for you so recent loss. Let’s face it. There are many good people around and many negative ones. It’s how the world is. Your mother-in-law is not behaving in a kind way, but it may be because she is grieving inwardly while try to be assertive on the outside. We all react to grief in so many different ways.
I think your daughter may well find her own way, and she may learn a lot about behaviour from her grandmother. Yes, you should give her that option even though it scares you. But keep an eye on the situation. If you feel your daughter is soaking up too much negativity then you will need to take some action. It’s far too early for you to have to think about such things because you are in real pain. People can be so cruel and seem so heartless.
Day at a time at the moment. Take care of yourself and your daughter. John.

1 Like

Thank you John yes I agree with you but I am really scared what she is going to put into Amy’s head.
She text Amy to try & arrange things but I am not sure if that is wright I trust Amy %100 so I am not sure if I should tell her to text me or tell Amy to be honest & show me every time she text Amy.
That is what the mother in law does she gets in to my head & at the moment my emotions are all over the place so she is like a lion stalking it pray & ready to pounce.
Best wishes

Geoff relationship with any family members after you lose some one can be hard going you get judge for just about anything. You can only do what you think is best for you and yours it’s to soon for you to decide you both need time and keep communicating she misses her mum and is as lost as you are right now tell her how you feel Amy sounds like a sensible Yong women but she’s greving to this may be her way of trying to connect with her mother.