Hi everyone, gosh it’s been a while since I’ve used this site regularly. I’m not sure if that means anything particularly, I’m still very much grieving my Dad on a daily basis. After getting through the year anniversary last week, I definitely can see the small but very important improvements I’ve made on my mental health and daily life. I still suffer with insomnia, but it’s not a daily occurrence for me anymore. I can drink coffee again without it causing uncontrollable anxiety attacks and heart palpitations. I see my therapist once a fortnight, sometimes even once a month now instead of 2 sessions a week. I went back to University, back to work, and have started exercising properly again. I almost feel myself, but still carry the heaviness of my loss. I miss my Dad so much still, in everything I do. I just thought I’d post my little progress for new users to read, as well as myself later on, to prove you do make small progress no matter how hopeless it seems at the beginning.
I came on this site again to ask some questions to other users who are grieving in a relationship as I’m having some real issues in mine. It’s hard to tell which are true issues to our relationship or if it’s just affects of my grief. I’m curious how others found their grief affected their relationships? If they did at all? How their partners responded to their grief?
I suppose with Jamie, at the start he couldn’t have done more for me. He never wanted to leave my side, checked in with me multiple times a day, cried with me, or just held me when I was falling apart. He helped with all the preparations and I really did feel comforted and safe. I spoke to him about every detail, every step of the way and he was always engaged and interested, if he didn’t know what to say, he would console me. Now, it feels like he doesn’t care anymore! I don’t talk to him about Dad because he gets visibly awkward now. I don’t feel comfortable getting really emotional so I usually do go lie in bed and cry on my own. He’s made 0 effort in our relationship and at times when I’ve felt at breaking points, he’s left me to it. I feel I keep up the house work and look after him in terms of cooking, cleaning and even making his packed lunch for work!! I don’t know if I’m just picking at the small things to distract me but they are genuinely annoying/ hurting me. I really hoped he’d have planned something for the anniversary or at least bought me flowers/ did something to make my day easier or brighter but as usual I ended up planning everything and he just drove us there. Am I expecting too much? Am I expecting myself in these situations?
Any advice or shared experiences would be so appreciated. I’m really at a loss at the moment. I’ve lost too many people to lose anyone else I care about.
I just wish I could talk to my Dad about it, he’d know what to say.
Thanks in advance xx