Relationships while grieving.

Hi everyone, gosh it’s been a while since I’ve used this site regularly. I’m not sure if that means anything particularly, I’m still very much grieving my Dad on a daily basis. After getting through the year anniversary last week, I definitely can see the small but very important improvements I’ve made on my mental health and daily life. I still suffer with insomnia, but it’s not a daily occurrence for me anymore. I can drink coffee again without it causing uncontrollable anxiety attacks and heart palpitations. I see my therapist once a fortnight, sometimes even once a month now instead of 2 sessions a week. I went back to University, back to work, and have started exercising properly again. I almost feel myself, but still carry the heaviness of my loss. I miss my Dad so much still, in everything I do. I just thought I’d post my little progress for new users to read, as well as myself later on, to prove you do make small progress no matter how hopeless it seems at the beginning.

I came on this site again to ask some questions to other users who are grieving in a relationship as I’m having some real issues in mine. It’s hard to tell which are true issues to our relationship or if it’s just affects of my grief. I’m curious how others found their grief affected their relationships? If they did at all? How their partners responded to their grief?
I suppose with Jamie, at the start he couldn’t have done more for me. He never wanted to leave my side, checked in with me multiple times a day, cried with me, or just held me when I was falling apart. He helped with all the preparations and I really did feel comforted and safe. I spoke to him about every detail, every step of the way and he was always engaged and interested, if he didn’t know what to say, he would console me. Now, it feels like he doesn’t care anymore! I don’t talk to him about Dad because he gets visibly awkward now. I don’t feel comfortable getting really emotional so I usually do go lie in bed and cry on my own. He’s made 0 effort in our relationship and at times when I’ve felt at breaking points, he’s left me to it. I feel I keep up the house work and look after him in terms of cooking, cleaning and even making his packed lunch for work!! I don’t know if I’m just picking at the small things to distract me but they are genuinely annoying/ hurting me. I really hoped he’d have planned something for the anniversary or at least bought me flowers/ did something to make my day easier or brighter but as usual I ended up planning everything and he just drove us there. Am I expecting too much? Am I expecting myself in these situations?

Any advice or shared experiences would be so appreciated. I’m really at a loss at the moment. I’ve lost too many people to lose anyone else I care about.
I just wish I could talk to my Dad about it, he’d know what to say.

Thanks in advance xx

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Hi. Watt. It so often happens that our partners seem to lose interest in our loss. I do not speak from personal experience because I no longer have a partner. But I do know from my counselling days how painful it can be when a partner we love may seem indifferent. Relationships can be difficult at the best of times. I don’t think you are expecting too much, but it’s not his loss and he won’t feel the pain as you do. Also, it can be very wearing when coping with someone who is in so much pain, as you are. He maybe can’t see why you can’t just get on with life. Someone who has not been through this awful time can never know how it feels. Try not to be too hard on him. Let more time pass. Adjustments need to be made in your relationship. You are making good progress, so try not to allow this temporary setback to upset you overmuch. Difficult I know! It may be difficult for a while, but hope is always there. It’s not just a little progress you have made, by the sound of your post, it’s a lot. Keep going and allow things to work out. They will. Blessings. John.

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Hi @Watt92, I’ve just posted something similar. I’m 6 weeks after losing my dad and i feel so alone. He doesn’t comfort me now and seems preoccupied.

I’m quiet now as I’m feeling so isolated I don’t want to talk to him now as I think he’s sick of it.

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