It’s 7 weeks since I lost my partner - we’d been together for 17 years. I was with him when he died of a cardiac arrest - today I keep reliving the moment when he died, it’s torturing me. Has anyone else experienced this?
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Yes and totally understand my wife died suddenly she died at home I was with her and all the paramedics trying to bring her back, I constantly relive the day.
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My heart goes out to you and anyone going through this
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So sorry for your loss. I wasn’t with my partner when he died, but I go through it all the time from what I was told, endlessly imagining what his last moments were like, then reliving the moment the policeman came to the door. It’s torture.
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Yes, I was with my daddy when he died. It was a very traumatic experience and I continue to experience images of that awful day. One thing that has helped is that I wrote down what daddy meant to me, what he represented, and then thought of an image that depicted that. For me it was daddy sat in his garden in the sunshine with his pets around him, and lots of flowers (especially daisies). Whenever the intrusive memories of his passing come up, ive started to call on that image of how i want to remember him. I try to call on that image in my mind throughout the day too.
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Thank you @Robin73 - when he first passed I was just in shock and couldn’t process what had happened. He’d had many weeks of feeling unwell and had visits to his GP who eventually referred him to the local emergency day care centre at the hospital. We went there 5 times - his medication was changed and he had various tests but he got worse and then one morning we rung 999 - he was in the major treatment ward in A&E on a trolley for 3 days then sent to intensive care. They referred him on kto the cardiac critical care unit who planned to do a procedure to make him well. I stayed by his side all through and I look back and think both of us were traumatised by the whole thing. I was with him on the ward when he had a cardiac arrest. I still can’t believe how hard we had to battle to be heard and then for him to lose his life in a cardiac ward. The utter shock and exhaustion took over for a while with my questioning whether we should have fought harder to get him admitted. I had awful flashbacks at first but yesterday I found myself getting very frightened with the most horrendous anxiety and was very tearful. I will try to replace those thoughts with positive memories, we had so many happy holidays and wonderful times. We loved walking and cycling. I had to move out of his house and I think it’s all been so manic - now that I’ve slowed down all the trauma of his passing has overwhelmed me
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I rang his phone 4 times that afternoon, eventually rang the local hospital where they told me he had died. They’d worked on him for an hour but couldnt save him. In all that time I’d been out taking my daughter for a driving lesson, digging the allotment and shopping. Why didn’t I have a feeling that he was already gone? That night I went to the house where it happened and spoke to the woman who called the ambulance, I needed to know what had happened. I think I traumatised the poor lady, she qas so concerned about me but then I just walked away. I visited the spot a few nights later, I wanted to stand on the road where he took his last breath. The madness of grief.
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So sorry for your loss - at first it’s shock and disbelief but the trauma of it doesn’t leave you. I can relate to every word you say
So sorry for your loss
I was reading about cardiac arrest and how you can foretell the warning signs. Steve told me that he thought that he’d another heart attack on 21st January but he worked through it. I asked if we should go to A & E, but he refused. Why didn’t I insist? He died within 2 weeks, classic story.
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I completely understand. I lost my fiance 3 weeks ago the night before we were due to go to paris and make our engagement official. I woke to him having what seemed like a seizure i rang the emergency services and realised he had stopped breathing. I had to perform cpr on him for 20 mins before the paramedics arrived. I cant seem to wrap my head around the situation although i keep reliving it. I am struggling to accept his death even though i was there with him.
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It’s as though we’re living in a nightmare that we’ll never wake up from. I could have gone Steve to do that job, I could have performed cpr, but I think we both realise that their time was up and nothing would have made much difference. You had it worse, going through all that to no avail. Please don’t think that you could have done more, you were there with him at the end and he would have known that.
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