Thank you Lou. I think it’s such a shame that accessing counselling is so haphazard. I naively thought that at the worst possible time in our life help would be forthcoming. For my family we have had to find out for ourselves. I was handed a bit of paper by my GP with the number of cruse and our local hospice and advised to find a relaxation app. Long waiting lists for both and neither specialise in PTSD. So many bereaved people suffer each day and because it can’t be seen it goes unacknowledged and untreated. I do hope you find ongoing help and support. As a result of Covid I fear the lists of those needing help will grow longer. Take care.
Dear Karen
I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel regarding finding your son, I too found my son, in different circumstances but the shock, fear, utter devastation & heartache is unbearable. Almost 12 weeks have passed & I have no idea how I’m going to get through my life without him 
sending love and strength xx
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I decided that when I die and cremated that our son mixes our ashes up so we are back together again in death as we were in life. I’ve told him he can then do what he likes with us. I just want to be with Dave again. I know Dave would like that.
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Same my partners ashes are going in with his nan and grandad but i have kept some seperate as going to have ashes into glass necklaces for me and our daughter (i already have a ring with dad) and then i have some in a small tube and told my daughter keep them til my time comes and mix them so we cam be together whatever happens he was my first love i was his last love ans he is my daughters dad x
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Hello Lou001. Sunday again… for me too. It was a Sunday night early hours of Monday morning when my husband got up to go to the toilet and he did this most nights and usually turned and smiled. This night he didn’t and there was a thud and he was gone. That was 3 and half years ago. I can’t get that sound that night that smell out of my head. It was freezing cold as I sat waiting for the emergency services with the door open as we live in a bungalow. I don’t know really how other people got there but they wouldn’t let me near him once they were here and he was gone. They promised I could leave the house with him but they took him while the police were interviewing me for the coroners records. I feel cheated and lost and empty and broken and as if he was stolen from me. He was so alive and wonderful. I can still smell that night. I still see it and still wake at the exact same time frequently although at least it’s not every night like it was at first. I hate going to sleep on Sundays more so than other nights. All the days and nights just feel hopeless and empty. I tried CRUSE but it’s limited and then there are waiting lists. I am a housebound person due to various illnesses, and I can’t go to any therapy so it’s difficult to get home counselling. I don’t have family here or a social back up system. It’s hard to find a reason to keep going.
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I am so sorry, I can relate to most of what you are feeling. I struggle every Sunday. It must have been heart breaking that they took your husband without even letting you know. I think in the circumstances the official bit could have waited. When it happened to me the police seemed to be here for ages even though my family were with me. There are no words any one can say to you to ease your pain, like you its over three year’s now and it doesn’t get any easier. I’ve been having councilling which has had to be put on hold, it helps a little but you still have all your thoughts with you daily. My therapy was being done by phone because of the situation we are all in. Maybe try your GP and ask what’s available. Please take care and I will be thinking of you x
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Hi Karen, I am so sorry to read what you have been through, finding your child dead in the manner you did is an extremely traumatic event, and there isn’t anything I can say that will make you feel any better. I just wanted to say that a 9 month wait when you are suffering so much seems a very long time, and so maybe you should contact your mental health service provider and ask them if they can see you sooner. I appreciate that due to austerity and a lack of investment the mental health services available in this country have suffered immensely, most people are not even aware that the NHS isn’t “free” anymore for many people who need to access services (e.g. many people now get referred to private organisations like MIND, where they get 6 sessions free and then have to pay if they want to continue with their counselling), and last year was the first time in my life since I was a teenager that my GP referred me to a psychiatrist and I was told I could not see one as they were only seeing people who were suicidal or suffering from psychosis - that’s just how depleted mental health services now are. That said, someone I know was referred for counselling for PTSD a few months ago, and initially he was told that he will be triaged, that they cannot see him, but he insisted that he be seen, and today he had his first telephone appointment. So there is no harm in you contacting your mental health service provider and telling them just how much you are struggling, and asking them if it would be possible for them to see you sooner. All the best.
Lou, read your posts and just wanted to send you love as it’s Sunday again and I know you’ll be feeling so sad. Sunday’s can be bad days anyway, Malcolm hated them as he was away at boarding school, missing home. It feels like the day when everything stops and is of course the day your world did . Hope you get through it all right.xxx
Lou another Sunday to get through. It’s hard and tough but you will get through it. Thinking of you and sending a big hug 
Hi Lou001 Still here thinking of you on a Sunday. Maybe our collective thoughts will help push us through. Take care and Remember the words of Terry Pritchett “ A man is not dead while his name is still spoken” … Keep talking about your loved one.
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