Reliving that day.

Its Sunday again, and for the past 3+ years I go over that fatal day my husband was taken. It is still so vivid and quite surreal how much detail I still have, from the knock on the door, how I was told and me apologizing because our dog was barking at these two policemen. How I had to phone my adult children and tell them their Dad was dead,luckily they were all local and were here in what seemed like minutes… I really need to try and break this habit because it is so draining and by putting it down in words I hope will break this circle. I know I will always be aware its Sunday but I really want to stop re living the events of that night in such detail. Does anyone else do this after they have lost someone?

Hi Lou, quite a few of us on here get distressed on the day we lost the person who meant the world to us. I am so sorry that three years after the tragic death of your husband you still struggle on Sunday. You wrote in a previous post that your counsellor has said you are suffering from anxiety, and then depression, it is quite possible that you are suffering from PTSD. There was a guy here who thought he might be suffering from it, and so he did an online test, and it said he is, and then he went to his GP to ask for a proper assessment as the online tests are just a guide, not a diagnosis, and now he has been referred to see a menal health specialist. This might be something you might want to discuss with your GP if you think it might help.

So sorry for your loss sunday is a day i relive every week aswell and have trouble sleeping
Sunday 12th June 2016 the last time i saw my dad alive in hosp (he passed away early hrs of the monday) no one was there when he passed.
Fast forwaed to this year 28h June I stayed all sunday night with my partner in hosp waiting for him to pass away as they could do no more he did monday morning on the anniversary of dads funer so sundays and mondays always play on my mind x

I too relive the events of Sunday 21st June 2020 when I found my darling 22year old unresponsive. The trauma of finding him & the moments/minutes/hours straight after play on my mind constantly & I’m constantly trying to change the story so that we have a different outcome & not lose our precious son :broken_heart::broken_heart:

Thankyou, I am having a councilling session this week so wil ask her what she thinks, I do find it difficult talking about what happened, I think that’s why I over think things.

I lost my son in April. I relive the night every day, all day…it’s very debilitating and I haven’t worked since that night. I found him and he had hung himself. I found him in his garage. It was dark and I had to fumble for the light switch. When the light flickered on, I was faced with my greatest nightmare. My beautiful son, dead in front of me. I’m not sure I can recover and I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I’m waiting for therapy. It’s a nine month wait and I was put on the list last month. I don’t even want to be alive anymore. I don’t know how to deal with the pain, the loss, the yearning to have him back and the million questions of why and what ifs? I try to carry on for my family, but it’s just so hard.

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Thankyou. I can empathise with what you are feeling and would love to say it gets easier but unfortunately in my case it hasn’t. Take care and so sorry for your loss xx

So sorry to read this I can’t imagine how you must feel losing your son, I have son’s in their twenties and can’t begin to imagine how you must be feeling.xx

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I am really so sorry, this is so tragic to read. I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through I can understand the what ifs.I still do it and I can relate to having to carry on for your family. 9months is an awfully long time to have to wait for someone who is suffering so much pain. Please take care of yourself xx

Karen.My friend lost her son to hanging himself several years ago. Two years later almost to the day her beautiful daughter did the same thing
Even now she cannot speak of them without crying.I could not understand the full extent of her grief after a few years had passed but when I lost my husband 2 Yrs ago I realised how individual grief is and what my friend must still be suffering.Until it happens to them,people have no idea of the pain and loss. I feel for you and hope that time will ease the rawness of this tragedy for you.
I

Anglejo 1. I am so sorry for your loss. For your friend to lose two children like that, is beyond words. I am so scared of losing another one of my boys. One has MH problems, he lives with me, so I feel he is safer. I’m always here for him. My other boy, had only moved out last August. I wish he hadn’t moved out, I’m sure he would still be here and safe if he was at home. My heart goes out to everyone. Grief is the hardest thing to try and live with. You have a piece missing from your life that can never be replaced and I’m sure we will forever have a broken heart. They say it gets easier. I can’t imagine that. I send you my love xx

Lou, I hope the counselling helps. Grief is so hard to live with. I am afraid we will never recover. My heart and love go out to you and I hope you find some way to get through it all. Look for some help with PTSD. I know a lady that lost her daughter in the same way I lost my son. She had something called EDMR therapy and she said it helped. That’s what I am hoping for. I’ll never get over losing Dean or understand why. I just hope to be able to function better and stuck around for my other two boys and my grandchildren. Love to you xxxx

Rach25, I am so sorry you lost your precious boy. There are no words of comfort that can help, they haven’t been invented. I understand your pain, I’m living it too. I hope and pray you get the help you need. You probably have PTSD, like me. There is nothing on earth so painful and heart wrenching as finding your child dead. My love and thoughts are with you. This is very raw for you, please get some help with therapy. Xxxx

Lou I know how you feel. My husband died on a Friday. Every Friday I say to myself you died today, every Friday morning I light the led candle next to his ashes and the last thing I do before I go upstairs to bed is turn it off. As I turn it off I always think that’s another week I’ve gone through without you. I no longer have that raw emotional grief we get to begin with. I’m 14 months down the line and now my grief is deeper, it’s part of me.

Hi fifibella
You’re right in your last sentence. My mum died almost 15 months ago and the rawness has subsided. But the grief is something you live with all day every day but in a slightly less intense way.
My mum is on my mind from the moment I wake till the moment I go to bed and the disbelief and sadness is always there.
Cheryl

Hi Lou,
Reading your post sent shivers down my spine and I feel so sorry for what happened to your husband and your family.
I didn’t get a knock on the door but a phone call from a policeman to say my husband had collapsed while out with our younger son. I was staying with my elderly mum at the time and had to get a taxi to take me the 150 miles to the hospital as I was incapable of driving myself there. When I arrived my elder son just shook his head and that moment is engraved on my mind forever.
It’s inevitable that you will go over and over that moment when your life changed so cruelly.
Were you offered any form of therapy such as EMDR which is supposed to help control the traumatic images? My son who was with my husband continues to have nightmares and is definitely not the fit, healthy young man he was. I contacted an organisation called Sudden which you can find online and was given a list of counsellors in my area who specialise in EMDR. Unbelievably, not all GPs are aware of this. It might be worth contacting them to help you stop reliving the events of that night.
I do hope you find something to help ease the constant anguish. it tends to be unseen but I know from experience just how debilitating it is. X

Hi Karen,
I am so sorry that you lost your son in this way and have inevitably been left traumatized.
To have to wait 9 months for counselling in these circumstances is unimaginable. EMDR is only carried out by highly trained counsellors who specialise in PTSD and they are few and far between. However your GP should be able to provide you with a list of practitioners in your area even if they can’t get you an urgent referral! If you can speak to the counsellor directly they may be able to help you sooner. If your GP is no help then an organisation called Sudden which I found online, as I mentioned to Lou, may be able to help. Also of course SOBS which helps families trying to cope with suicide.
You should not have to wait so long and I hope you can access the relevant counselling asap.
Take care.

Thank you xx

Thank you, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband , it must have been awful for you being so far away. I hope your family are coping, I have grown up children, who most of the time I think they have accepted what happened and are getting on with their lives but once in a while I can see it is still affecting them. I am having councilling at the moment but this week’s session was cancelled at short notice and now I need to wait until another councillor can be assigned to me, which isn’t helping because I will have to start all over again with someone new. You are so right about how debilitating it all is, every small thing brings it all back. Please take care of yourself and I hope your son’s are finding ways to live with thier loss x

Thankyou, this seems like a lovely way to get through your "Friday’s " I’ve spent some time today thinking of what we should do with my husband’s ashes. Then I drive myself mad thinking… what if he wanted buried, even being married for 40 years we never discussed it. Anyway the way things are going in the country there’s no rush to make any decisions yet. Take care x