Hello, My husband unexpectedly died at home one evening in January2024, after being poorly for a few weeks, he went upto bed and collapsed at the top of the stairs. 5 paramedics tried to bring him back but he was announced dead after 20 minutes or so of cpr/defib. I keep re-living that evening of ringing 999 and the conversation with the operator and then later that night, having to ring his brothers to tell them he had died and his dad the following morning (had also lost his wife/my mother in law 2 months before my husband) . I can remember word for word the conversation the morning after with my husbands boss (he worked where I work) and how I felt. I just wish I could forget those conversations and how I felt at the time. I tried counselling but a few factors has made me have to stop them.
Does anyone else experience this? Anyone have any advice please?
So sorry for your loss I’m not an expert but it sounds like post traumatic stress . I lost my husband suddenly this year and the trauma on its own can be unbearable
Have you ever had any counselling. I found my own a huge help. I still can have flashbacks but I’m able to control them most of the time. Talking and sharing to a professional i would recommend. I hope this helps there are many people in this forum with the same thoughts who could resinate
My partner died 5 months ago. For months afterwards my mind would replay her last hours. It felt much more than a memory. More like I was living through it over and over again. For me it has got better. I do still get it, but usually when my grief spirals out of control.
I think, for me anyway, I broke the cycle by talking it through with people. That said it took me a while to find the right person to talk it through with.
I wish there was something I could say to be more helpful.
Thank you Dave. I appreciate the time you have taken to reply to my ramblings and thoughts. Maybe I should write it all down in a journal, get it out of my head? I can’t afford to go to counciling unfortunately.
Hi, it was definitely a traumatic situation, very unexpected and trying to look after my 11 year old son at the same time while dealing with my collapsed husband who was unresponsive.
Thank you for your reply. Xx
I did try counciling, got a lot out of it, but really couldn’t afford it. Support came from places I least expected and from attending Andy’s Man Club.
Journaling is a great idea and something I’ve been doing for years. It’s really helped, and surprised, me when I start writing about something that’s worrying me as to where my thoughts go too when written down on paper. And I know I’ve written a lot about my grief. I’vefound morning pages very helpful to get the ball rolling (a quick google/youtube search will explain better than I can).
Another thing that helped with my grief as a whole was reading about grief. Couple of stand out books for me were A Grief Observed by CS Lewis and Life after Life by Dr Raymond Moody.
I was very sceptical about Life after Life but found it did really help by opening up a different perspective on what comes next.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband died suddenly too and the flashbacks were awful. A councillor told me to imagine a blind and pull it down over the image. Have a good memory ready to replace it with. Hope this helps. I have read here that Sue Ryder offer counselling, people have found this helpful. Maybe contact a moderator and ask. I hope you find something that helps x
