reliving those final hours

I recently lost my older sister to lung cancer and brain mets. I was with her every day helping to care for her. She remained at home and the last two days were hell. I relive those moments and find it hard to replace them with good memories, just feel alone with the pain and loss. I had family around me at times all saying supportive things but this feels deep and hard to deal with. Did anyone experience something similar ?


Hello @HelsB ,

I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. It sounds as though things are very hard to deal with at the moment and you are feeling alone.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Take care - keep reaching out,


I’m so sorry you went through this. I can definitely relate; both my dad and my uncle had terrible deaths, my uncles was particularly barbaric and resulted in me phoning the doctors with him screaming in the background, the worst part of it is my husband (only 43) now has the same cancer and is having palliative care.

I’m determined to make sure my husband has a better death (you learn a lot along the way about what to do…) I’ve spent all day today trying to get a bed in a hospice to sort his pain out, he goes in tomorrow.

I am having counselling and would recommend you do the same. The way I deal with things myself is to fight for change. No one should ever have to die in pain so I have joined the dying with dignity campaign group and aim to go all out once my husband has passed.

Really hope you find some peace and well done for being the carer. It’s a bloody hard job xx


Hi and thank you so much for taking the time to message me.

It’s harrowing seeing someone you love in pain and feeling useless. My sister was cared for a home by the hospice team and there were initial delays in getting them to see her as she deteriorated very quickly. The lady on the phone suggested paracetamol!!

You sparked something in me about the dying with dignity campaign and I am going to look into this tonight and see how I can become involved. Thank you again, it has meant so much to know that I’m not the only person who feels this way and when you say being a carer is a bloody hard job, well, I have never experienced anything like it and it has beaten me into an awful place.

I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts xx