Remaining parent - cancer

I lost my Mum 7 weeks ago to liver cancer, prior to this in 2016 my Dad was diagnosed with and treated for prostate cancer.

Yesterday he had a routine blood test for his PSA level and we are waiting for the results but this is the first one since Mum’s illness/passing and I can’t help but worry about it.

Can anyone relate? My mind just goes to the worst places :pensive:


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I am so very sorry for your loss @stardust2023 of your Mum, so recently.

I do relate to the feeling of heightened anxiety around health-related matters of those we love at this time of such raw grief and vulnerability. I have a close family member who is also getting some health related tests and it’s extra frightening at this time. I think it’s natural that we will fear matters related to health and wellbeing of those we love when the loss of such a enormous person in our lives is so recent.

Do you have any techniques or ways that you find help you to bring yourself away from those very difficult, worst-case places that your mind takes you? I know how hard it can be to do. I have a few go-to activities, they don’t always work but sometimes they do. I also signed up for the Grief Coach texts on the Sue Ryder site and they have a section on intrusive thoughts and how to deal with them.
Thinking of you and I hope that you can find small moments of calm within yourself amidst the turmoil of it all xxx

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Hey @magenta

Thank you for the reply :heart:

I’m sorry for your recent loss too :pensive:

I do have a few things I do to help myself but at the moment it just seems the thoughts are overpowering everything else. I will keep talking about them though.

I get the texts too which I find comforting, but didn’t know about the intrusive thoughts info so I’ll definitely check that out, thank you xx

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I haven’t had to deal with something similiar, but like @magenta I can relate to being terrified of something happening to other people I love after a loss. Life is cruel, throwing punches at us from all directions sometimes. :pensive: I know it’s next to impossible to stop the thoughts. One thing that has worked for me on occasion is to schedule a time for worry and try to avoid the thoughts by saying that no, I’ll worry between 2 and 2.15 (or whatever time you decide). How long will you have to wait for the result?

:people_hugging: and :heart:


Thanks @Ulma :heart:

Results take around 1 week and they’ve changed the protocol to now only letting patients know the results if there’s anything to worry about but given my Dad just lost his wife to cancer it would have been nice if the surgery could have been a bit more human and offered to let him know asap either way. Maybe that’s expecting too much and maybe I’m bitter because they let my Mum down massively.

I’ll support my Dad to give them a call anyway as they said he could ring and check on results if he wanted xx

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What a stupid protocol, you’d want to know regardless, otherwise you would just worry even more. Yes, they could definitely have been more thoughtful, had I been in the medical profession I would never leave a patient waiting like that. :angry: So sorry your mother was let down, it seems to happen way too often. My dad wasn’t treated well at the hospital either, so I understand the bitterness. I do hope for the best for you both. :heart::purple_heart::heart: