Remaining parent

Hi. I have shared a few times here but just to say, I lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly just over 4 weeks ago. It has just been so devastating. We have had the funeral and the internment was today. We have been so busy planning all of this and I have had my dad staying with us mostly since this happened. He is due to go back home on Sunday (3.5 hours away from us).
I still can not believe that this has happened and I know that it is early days but I feel as though I am forever changed now. The sadness will stay with me (but I know that I will learn to live with that in my life) but it is also the sense of fragility of life.
My dad had a quadruple heart bypass 2.5 years ago. I know that he has friends where they have been living (originally their holiday home) but I really want to cling on to him and I’m scared that I won’t make the most of whatever (hopefully) years he has left. It’s all such a confusing mess.
It is hard because my husband finds it hard with him here. He (I know), feels like life will never be the same for us.
I wondered if other people have these feelings when one parent passes away and if it changes living situations for others?
Thank you x

Hello @RachelM, I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. You sound like such a caring daughter.

I’m just giving this a gentle bump for you - hopefully someone will be along to offer their support.

2 Likes

Sorry for the loss of your mum. Maybe you could have a weekend with your dad now and then? Or were you thinking of a more permanent arrangement?

I always thought I’d end up moving 87 year old mum closer after my dad died 2 years ago, but I’ve just cared for my 43 year old husband until he died last week and I just can’t care for anyone else (bar my kids) for a while. Besides, my mums friends are where she lives.

2 Likes

Hi @Nori. Thank you for your reply and sharing.
I am sorry to hear about your husband - that must have been so difficult for you.
I was initially thinking I would go up more weekends and my dad come to us often too. However, we have been talking since I posted this and although I am concerned that he might make the decision too soon (or based on what I would prefer), he is going to look to sell and move close to me. I would love this as I always thought that I would be helping my mum one day and have her closer to me again. I would really like to have my dad close by to have time with him and help when needed.
Thank you again for sharing with me and I wish you well too working your way through these difficult times. We only have so much to give before we break don’t we and we do have to factor ourselves in to our choices too :heart: x

2 Likes

Hi @RachelM I think the idea of your dad moving closer is great. I don’t have a relationship with my dad, my mum raised me alone as both mum and dad to me. When she got diagnosed with cancer and had her stroke, I knew she had a long road ahead of physio and would need care (unfortunately she never got the chance for long term physio and passed away in hospital) but I had already started looking at closer places to live, has settled on the area and got used to the idea of selling my house so I could move and be near to help her. But unfortunately, as I said, I never got to do this. But if she was still here, I definitely would. If it’s an option for your dad and for you to live closer, then I think thats great for you both, so you can cherish your time together. I know how much you must both be missing your mum. Xx

1 Like

Hi @Woo4. Thank you for your reply. It’s so hard isn’t when we think we have time and then it is snatched from under us, especially when it is your sole parent too :heart:.
I think reading this and other posts makes me realise that amongst the sadness for the loss of my mum, I need to be thankful to have my dad and I want to make the absolute most of the time that I do have with him in my life. My mum would like for us to be together too and look out for each other. My mum always planned to move back near me if anything happened to my dad. They were happy there together but this has of course changed.
My dad and I find it hard to comprehend that 5 weeks ago, he was walking on the beach with my mum and their dog - loving their life. Within 5 days from that day, their dog passed away, followed with a few days by my mum. Just so sad. Sending love to you :heart: x

Aw @RachelM, how strange, my mum’s dog died just before my mum did too! I wonder if the dogs just knew, and knew they had to be waiting for them. I hope my mum’s dog is cuddling her and keeping her company where she is. My mum was so desperately sad when he passed. I hope they are together again :heart: x

1 Like

@Woo4 - that is so bizarre. I wonder if there is something in it. Both deaths were sudden and unexpected. At the funeral I said that their little dog must have needed my mums lap. Aww, so many shared experiences.
I think that our mums and their dogs are reunited and needed each other :heart: x

1 Like