I have been remember the day my mother died, it is so vivid remembering that Sunday and time and the last thing she asked me. It will be 4 years in July that i saw i dying. I just need someone to talk to.
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I’m sorry for your loss @Janice22 and sad to read you’re struggling so much. Its completely understandable to have flash backs, I do the same regarding the passing of my Dad last November. I remember the whole day almost minute by minute. I don’t know if it would help you but for me I take comfort that my Dad had his loved ones with him when he passed and he wasn’t alone. I hope you have a support network to help you? A lot of times, friends and family don’t always know we still need their ears and support months and years on from our loved ones passing. Have you had or thought about having any sort of grief counselling? Sending lots of 
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Hi @Janice22, I completely understand what you are going through and its tough with flashbacks and sometimes when you are alone the thoughts eat you up, I see your last line you need someone to talk to, if you want to reach out on DM, I am happy to hear you out, I am not an expert but there was a kind person who helped me here and I am happy to help you.
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Hi Janice 22,
I get flashbacks too Janice and sometimes they are so painful. It’s been 25 mths for me but certain flashbacks seem like yesterday. I deal with them by removing myself from the place I am at when it happens eg if in bed I get up immediately. If I stay in bed they get worse. I have to do something to distract myself otherwise it affects me worse.
You will never forget the things your mum said. I know I will never. I try to think that at least she was able to and still had time to tell me the things which I shall always be grateful for. It’s so hard though.
I knew it would be difficult to get through all this and I knew I would miss mum terribly but what I hadn’t realised was that grief knows no boundaries. It creeps up on me when I least expect it and it doesn’t matter where I am or what I am doing. No two days are the same. Tears flow daily.
I am trying to live with my flashbacks because if I am honest I don’t want them to go away. It’s a weird feeling and difficult to explain.
Please keep posting on here and don’t be alone going through this. We are all in this together and can help each other so much.
Sending hugs,
Deborah x
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