Remembering after 15 years

This is the first year i have actively remembered my father on his birthday. he died 15 years ago on May 6th.
During the Easter weekend when i remembered both my parents, it suddenly came to me during my homeward journey why. Shortly after his death i told my sister that i was not going to visit him because i had come to terms with the loss. At the time this seems OK to me as it still does, especially since my mother dies two years ago.

What i find strange is the sorrow and regret i now feel, like i am catching-up and now have a few year before i may recover to a greater sense of peace. Someone once said to me that it was because i had to be strong for my mother. But i disagree with that and i suppose it will take as long as it takes before i see some form of calm. But i do have the benefit of talking with him over the past two years when i have been visiting.

For the moment my thoughts are with the last fifteen years without remembering him personally or on anniversaries and trying to understand why and what next.

Back to top