This morning the postman delivered a letter to me, which has thrown me into deep sadness again.
The envelope contained Stan’s Death Certificate and a copy of his will, has
any of you experienced this? It may be a daft question because there is so much paperwork to be attended to, I was very lucky that our daughter and son took over to do all this for me.
Stay safe, x x x
Hi Mary. I still get letters addressed to my wife and although I have written to most people explaining the circumstances I still get them now and then They do cause some emotion. To see her name on them does upset me a bit. Not as much but it’s still there. We need to accept it will happen. It’s ‘triggers’ as in anxiety. Something that we may not be aware of consciously can hit us out of the blue. Sights, sounds even smells can do it. It reminds us of happier times and that can be painful. I’m so glad you have someone to deal with this for you.
Take care Mary. Love and Blessings. John.
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If only I had someone else there. Such reminders simply bring misery.
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We didn’t have a will made, so I had to write one and get him to sign it as he was laying in the hospital bed. His signature was just a series of loops , nothing like his neat, precise normal. I’ve had to produce it a few times, and every time it sends me into a tailspin. I have to explain that this is all I have, but it is witnessed, and it is legal. I hate that piece of paper, and cannot stand to even look at it…I think that was probably the moment that I really had to accept that he was going to die. I never want to see or touch it again.
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Dear Mary,
I understand that deep sadness that overwhelmed you when you saw your beloved Stan’s death certificate and will. Even though we know our husbands have died I don’t think it’s possible to really believe it, not yet anyway.
Every time I receive an email from my solicitor referring to my ‘late husband’s estate’ it’s like a knife to my already broken heart. Dealing with correspondence is what I find so distressing - it can’t be put off and has to be dealt with when we least feel like doing it. Anything relating to my husbands funeral I also find unreal as if it’s nothing to do with me. I’ve said it before but I still can’t believe I have actually organised and attended the funeral of my oh so lively, fun loving darling husband.
Possessing a copy of his death certificate and his post mortem report takes the unreality and sadness to another level.
Sending love xx
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I feel your pain , my husband died in April and I’m still struggling with everything, like you said, paperwork,correspondence addressed to them , emails about Father’s Day, his upcoming birthday and our wedding anniversary . The list goes on and no one is ever prepared for this heartbreaking event. Yes, we manage to arrange the coronavirus restricted funeral ina daze but it can suddenly all get too much and I know just how you feel. How ever are we going to manage without them? I just got correspondence addressed to “the widow of” and it broke my heart, made it so terribly real. Sending love x
Dear Jobar,
Thank you for your moving post, I feel exactly as you describe, I feel I shall never get over losing my dearly loved Stan. He was in my life for 62 years, our children who are in their 50’s feel the same, they have been wonderful since their dad died, yet I know that they are grieving in a different way as much as I am. He was a loving and gentle dad, granddad and great granddad. Our grandson who is 31 years old still cannot talk about him. Stan and Kieron were really good friends, Stan taught him how to fish, shoot and tie flies and generally he taught him to be a nature lover too. Idid not approve, so we agreed to differ.
I am so sorry that you are going through such grief, it is soul destroying