Hi Everyone I’m new here and unsure what to expect but… I lost my Mum in Nov 22, my dad in Aug 23 and my close uncle April 24. I haven’t been able to process anything and am now feeling totally lost. I feel like the treadmill I’ve been on has stopped and I’ve dropped into an abyss. People cannot say anything but how awful time will heal but how can you heal after losing everyone who grounded you.
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@Merli
I am so sorry you have lost so many people close to you. It’s really tough when we lose our tribe. Do you have siblings or a partner?
I think as people get older and lose family sometimes other relatives or friends take on some of that support role so it’s like your relationships with other people can change and develop. And it works the other way around, so in the future you may find that through this you have the experience to support friends when it happens to them and so create deeper relationships with your friends.
There’s a category on here about losing parents so read around that and you will find others to talk to who are experiencing the despair you feel at the moment.
I don’t think the pain ever goes away or ever gets any less it’s just that we have to try to find ways of it not intruding into our lives so frequently.
Then when your not looking it stabs in that sharp way again and I find that I feel physically sick when it hits me.
So much loss and pain.
In my worst moments when I’ve just wanted to drop off the end of the earth I’ve come on here and I can honestly say that for me it is a comfort to read that everyone else is feeling the same way. It makes you feel so much less lonely.
You are not alone and it doesn’t matter what time day or night come on here someone will reply to you.
It sucks. Grief, absolutely the worst thing ever.
People say some stupid things. I often find they say it out of the best intentions.
There are no rules with grief. And there is no healing - there is just learning to live along side of it. Learning to find a way to get your life to regrow around the grief And the people in your life who are not physically with you right now - who are no longer growing with you , are growing inside you different But the same.
that’s how I am trying to cope with this.
And I’m not necessarily doing a good job of it, infact I am not doing a good job - but I’m just trying.
ON THOSE DAYS
On those days
when you miss someone the most as though your memories are sharp enough
to slice through skin and bone remember how they loved you.
Remember how they loved you and do that for yourself.
In their name in their honour.
Love yourself as they loved you.
They would like that.
On those days
when you miss someone the most love yourself harder.
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Hello Merli, I don’t think we do heal but we do learn to cope better over the years. I lost 3 members of my close family 40 years ago, all in December, one after the other each Christmas over 3 consecutive years, and I still think of them daily and talking about the good memories always helps me cope any month except December when I cry easily because of the dates. I have joined tonight for a different bereavement, also in Nov 22, so I am thankfull you are all here to talk to and we can all realise none of us are alone in our feelings. Take care and smile and things will improve eventually!
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Those words are beautiful and true / they made me cry.
I will memorise them and repeat them to myself when I feel I am falling into a black hole of despair.
Life will never be the same again - the whole world seems bleaker now, not worthy of colour and beauty anymore.
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Thank you for replying. I do have a sister but unfortunately we have never got on. She is 10 yrs older and has/still does hate me for coming along as our parents divorced when I was 2. I was then brought up by my Mum and my sister always hated that we had a close bond. It’s carried on like this for 40 years and now we have no contact. She sent horrible messages after our Dad died as he split his estate between us and she feels she deserved more. I have a wonderful husband but unfortunately cannot have children and this has been another loss. I am blessed by memories but feel totally empty.
Thank you for this and the poem 
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Thank you Fuzzy. I totally relate to the memories- I talk about my Mum especially every day, her pictures on the landing so I pass every time I go up or down. I feel blessed most days that I had such special people in my life and try to use this when I feel life has been unfair by taking them away. Stay safe and keep smiling and I’ll try the same xx
Losing people repeatedly is so tough and must have been so hard. I don’t think you get chance to really process one before you’re thrown into the next one and then you just shut down. I think that’s why I’m a bit hit the wall at the moment as finally everything has stopped- all the funerals, dealing with estates and probate and now they’ve just gone. And I hate it !!
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I have had multiple losses
I’m sorry to hear this Robin x
I’m sorry to hear this Robin so hard x