I’m 38 so I will need to return to work at some point. When I lost my mother I returned to work the Monday after the funeral so about three weeks later, it helped a lot. Losing my partner feels like it’s going to be a much harder transition back to a new “normal” Due to the death being sudden and in a public place we need a post mortem and there’s a delay of nearly three weeks before we can begin to organise the funeral. It’s looking likely that it’s going to be four or five weeks before we can say goodbye. These weeks are going to be so hard. What do we do in the meantime? So far I’ve not left the house unless it’s to go down his mothers. Family and friends are here but I just want them to go. I sit downstairs with them listening to them all talk about the same stories I’ve heard a hundred times before and I just want to scream. I feel like such a horrible ungrateful person for feeling this way, his family need my support too but I’m physically there but my mind isn’t. Work have rung me and said to take my time if that’s two, three or four weeks but I’m just wondering how long other people have waited to go back. Did you find going back helped? With my mother it helped massively but losing a partner is a totally different experience.
HI @LostLil i am so sorry for the loss of your partner and the long wait you are having to endure before you are able to say goodbye. Whilst it is comforting to have friends and family wanting to be with you, I also feel I need some time on my own to be able to reflect on and somehow come to terms with what’s happened, particularly as like me, your partner’s passing was sudden, and be in touch with how I am feeling. For me I went back to work about 5 weeks after my husband passed away in January. 2 weeks after the funeral. My employers are amazing and had no expectation of when I should return, they left it up to me when I thought I was ready, For me I needed a distraction from the grief and pain I was experiencing and I found returning to work certainly helped Some days are still difficult and I am extremely tired at the end of the day, which is another aspect of grief. I sometimes find concentration difficult so my employer has given me less responsibilities until I am able to fully function , Also my employer is very understanding and when there are days I just can’t face it, I just let them know I wont be working. Their flexible and adaptable response to my bereavement has really helped and it sounds as if you may have a sensitive employer too? If you feel working may help perhaps give it a go and see how it feels, or even work part time if possible, I think you would know really quickly if you are physically and emotionally able to return to work at this time. Sending you love and hugs xxxx
My husband died 8 weeks ago. He died suddenly but peacefully aged 62. I went back to work 3 weeks ago. Only limited hours but I was crying so much at home with all the memories I needed the distraction. It was hard the first week. It has got a little easier but I found it better to keep busy. Don’t get me wrong I’m still distraught and cry every day due to missing him but my work colleagues are so considerate and help me get through. Everyone is different and you may feel not able to work until after the funeral. I didn’t go back till after the funeral and also so much to sort out. If you have too many people in the house you need to say you need time alone. I cannot stand the small talk that means nothing. You look at things in a different way when you have lost the love of your life. Just do what you feel you need to. You will know. Just one minute one hour one day at a time. My thoughts are with you. x
I lost my partner 9 weeks ago. He died in a public place and also had a post mortem and it was three weeks before we could transfer him to a funeral home. That was , for me, the worst time as I was in limbo . You can’t sort anything without a death certificate. He died on the 29th Jan and we cremated him on 2nd March. I have only just managed to go to work for a visit. I’m not ready to go back. I teach, so I can’t be bursting into tears in front of children. I will have a phased return and my headteacher is happy to go at my pace. It will take a while and I’m glad there’s no pressure. I now feel ready to take small steps to return as being at home with no one, gives me too much thinking time. I need the distraction of work. Ali