Hello, firstly my condolences . You will know when it is the right time. For me it was 3 weeks when losing my parents but for my husband 4 months, probably because it was a more shocking and very unexpected death due to his young age. Before the 4 months I knew I was not fit to work. Once returning I had a few breakdowns but a hard reality in life is that life does go on as difficult as it is. Return when you know it feels right but please remember, people have short memories and will soon forget the trauma you have been through.
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Thanks everyone, I decided that I am going back to work when my sicknote runs out at the end of the month, I think by that time I will have been off just under 3 months.
Donāt get me wrong, I miss him every day with all of my heart but with me not really having any family (parents passed away, donāt have kids) I am finding it very lonely and yes like everyone says people who said they would be there tail off and you donāt see them.
I think work will give me another focus and hopefully take my mind off things whilst I am there, although I work in a busy cancer centre so you donāt really have chance to slow down and think about things!! I am dreading coming home to the empty house the first day, I know I have been here all the time since but not going out to work and he would usually be here when I got in.
Fingers crossed all goes ok, but the girls at work are a good lot and have had positive messages from them so I think it may help. Thanks for all of your comments xx
Good Luck on your first day at work 
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I returned to work on Thursday it was so overwhelming 
I struggled my 1st day. Friday wasnāt as bad but coming home and no husband hit me like a train honestly.
And today Iām so sad and crying thinking of everything just missing him so much
But the company at work will do us all good some normality. Good luck
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Despite Covid, I returned to work, soon after I lost my partner, thank goodness, without support of work colleague, I would of gone crazy, in times of great sadness I believe you need people around you. To all.who have lost someone, my heart does go.out to you, butstay strong. It will probably never feel normal, or right. But stay strong for their sakes, and your own.
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Well I am returning to work tomorrow and am quite anxious about going now, not sure why, probably just being there the first time since my husband died. I am not normally an anxious person but feel quite anxious about it now. I know its the right thing going back, trying to get a bit of normality into my life but I think its just taking that first step. I probably should have went in beforehand but just got caught up with other stuff.
@Ali21 how are you doing now at work as you will have been back a couple of weeks now, hope all is ok?
Best wishes 
Well done Sja. Itās a big step but you can do it and your man will be with you all the way. Good luck and let us know how it goes. xx
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Well done 
I have been back at work a few weeks now since my wonderful husband and best friend passed away and for me, it is definitely the best distraction to help get through the day x Every day is difficult but the time at work(trying to focus on something else) definitely helps x Take care and I hope it helps you
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Well done Sja, another step along the way. Hope it goes well. Take care. X
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I hope you are as well as can be. I returned to work last week it was so hard harder than I initially expected everyone was great staff management etc.o was just a mess crying all the time but I will admit it has gave me a distraction and some sort of normality returning.
I was very anxious I felt guilty leaving here as Iāve been here since last year on lockdown when we had to shield then hubby got heart failure then this year lung cancer.but the coming home and hubby not here was so hard iam missing him so much.
Best wishes for returning just do what you can do
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Thank you all so much, when I arranged to go back to work I was all up for it, even last week looking forward to going back, now I just think as today getting myself sorted for work, ironing etc iām just worrying stupidly. I think its just the initial seeing everyone as we work in a big open plan office with about 20 of us in there and more in the department.
Iām going in early before people start just so that I donāt have to walk into a busy office but just really wary. Iām probably just being daft but feel like I need someone to hold my hand lol - iām sure heāll be there looking over me and guiding me (hopefully).
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Stay strong, and yes, he is on your shoulders, guiding you through, best wishes. X
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Thanks for your reply, I am looking forward to going back to work but I think it is just the initial going in and getting the first day over with. Where I work is really busy all the time so probably wonāt have time to think about things (hopefully!) - I can only see how it goes.
xx
My days at work have went in so fast Iāve not had time to think which I feel guilty about
My 1st day I said I canāt do this I canāt. But I did and Iām glad I didnāt come home.
Let us know how you get on good luck x
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On another note, I know its different than this thread but I had to ring Sky last week about my husbands mobile number as the contract was up and trying to decide just to let it go or renew it and was in a bit of a quandry.
Long story short, I spoke to this lovely women, she spoke to me and when I mentioned about my husband dying she made a couple of comments about how I would get through it, to stay strong etc etc - well after a long conversation it turned out she had lost her husband 8 years ago and was so so lovely, I felt like I was talking to a counsellor on the other end of the phone. She basically told me to not be afraid and to try new things and to have healing days. To take time for me, to do good things and new things, when also saying that things were so raw at the minute but things will get better. She mentioned that when I thought of something, maybe something to do, to write it down and maybe not do it at that time but go back to it and make sure I do it. She went so much further than just doing her job and I was quite down at that time and it felt quite surreal and that she just came at the right time. I almost thought I was hearing things or imagining things!
All in all, I know we are all grieving and hurting now and think things will never be the same again, which they wonāt, but if anything gives me a bit of strength, its how positive and lovely this lady was and that she took her time to speak to me, we went off topic and away from the phone contract for about 20-30 minutes.
I think we all just need to hold that hope somewhere that things will get better, or easier to deal with and not give up hope xxx
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That woman was meant to take your call on that day I had something similar a few weeks ago on the phone to do with my husband it was a male who answered he had lost his wife 5 years earlier he was so lovely I could not stop crying
These people are strangers yet so caring towards us.
Take one day at a time x
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Well first day at work over - I didnāt think I was going to get there. I was ok yesterday daytime and then last night I was teary and upset, didnāt help watching upsetting stuff on the tv either!
Didnāt really sleep last night, think I was worrying too much and then was worrying all the way to work. Actually walking from the taxi into work and getting into the lift, thought I was going to have a panic attack as I was shaking that much.
When I actually got into work I calmed down, was greeted with friendly faces and people happy to see me back which was nice, It was strange at first and it still feels like my head is full of cotton wool () but I actually got through it in one piece!!
Hopefully tomorrow its not too bad when I go into work, but I think it will probably do me good being back at work and not at home moping and trying to fill my days. The day went quickly and on a phased return so not too bad.
Thanks for all of your kind words x
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Big day over, deepest congratulations, normal will not be normal again, but it is ,in my belief, best to be around people, it may feel wrong, but distraction is good. Hope all goes as good as it can. Take care.
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You have made that big step well done I can totally get the panicking it is terrible I was the exact same way.
Each day will get a little easier going to work.it is the coming home that was hard for me and hubby not there.
Good luck for tomorrow x
Yeah it was the same for me, coming home and him not being there was hard, things donāt ever really get any easier do they?
Fingers crossed tomorrow is ok x