Right time to move on

When his the right time to move on?I really miss having someone in my life, Myhusband passed in June is it to soon any advice would be really appreciated .

Hi Stacyd40. I would suggest that it is too soon to move on, if by that you mean move away. June is so little time to move on even in an emotional sense. When I lost my wife two years ago someone told me to hold any decisions for at least a year. They were right. I was going to move away but realised there is no escape from oneself. I am so glad now I stayed put. I think you mean moving on emotionally. That comes with time and you will know when you are ready. None of us can ever forget, but we can make a life for ourselves out of all the pain. We can also help one another. The experience we are going through may seem unique to us, but has many common factors with others. We can put our grief and pain to good use by helping those who are new to grief and who need comfort and support. ‘Moving on’ is a very personal decision. Some find it easier than others. But one thing ís certain, at least in my view, unless at some stage we do move on then we will just go on with endless grief. The effect on our mental and physical health can be bad. It’s not easy is it? No one can suggest it is. But it’s either that or sink into despair, a very debilitating emotion.
Give yourself as much time as your emotions allow. We all need to make an effort, but not too soon and at the expense of our wellbeing. Take care and very best wishes. John.

Hi Jonathon it is really hard, I did mean moving on relationship wise I have realised how precious life is and I don’t want to be on my own I’m not ready for a relationship but I mean just talking for to men for companionship that’s all.

Hi I would say when you feel ready. Your decision its not for anyone but you. You will probably be judged by those around you but hey its your life do with it what suits you.

Hi Stacy. I did realise you meant it in relationship terms. We all need relationships on some level. You may not now be ready for a close relationship, but that can change. Also, and many may deny this, but there is also a need for relationships with the opposite sex. I find by talking to women I get a different perspective on life and especially bereavement. There is much more openness and less embarrassment than with men. The vast majority on this site are women, and that says a lot about our society and it’s attitude to loss. I get the feeling, and I may be wrong, but you feel perhaps you shouldn’t be feeling like that. But surely that is perfectly normal? Time has very little to do with grief. A month for one may seem a year for another. There have been some here who have gone into a relationship after only few months. It’s not for anyone to judge. If we can find some comfort and an easement of the pain with another person then why not?
We will never forget, but that does not mean we have to become hermits!
Look after yourself and be kind to yourself. John.

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I loved my husband more than anything.My life was complete. When he died I found the unbearable loneliness the worst. I met someone just a year after he died and we are still seeing each other.He is a lovely man and treats me like a princess but I still can’t commit. I keep slipping Ron’s name in to our conversations and sometimes I just want to talk about him. I think about the places I went with Ron and I still can’t visit them. It is so hard even though I am happy seeing someone else and I hope that it will work. The relationship has helped me so much especially during covid but I sometimes want to be alone just to remember my husband. I hope this helps you.Some of my widowed friends don’t ever want to meet anyone ever again but people are so different for different reasons.

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I was with my Husband since I was 15 and I feel the same the loneliness is unbearable and I know people may think it’s too soon but it feels right I am just talking at the minute nothing serious but just texting makes the nights easier.

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Hi Stacey. Do what you feel is right. You have to think of yourself at this awful time.You will never forget your husband but if you are happy to text someone and feel less lonely then carry on. No one knows the pain we carry in our heart but we still have to carry on and so we have to do what WE think is right. I wish you luck in your ‘friendship’ with a new guy and I hope you find happiness.

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