Rock Bottom

It’s been a while sinve l’ve been on but l just really need to talk…l lost my lovely Mum just after Christmas last year and it’s still so very raw and l’ve struggled after day since. Just finding a reason to get up or leave the house is getting harder cause all l think is WHY? I have some support but l feel bad because l’m bringing them down and, if l’m honest, there’s not really much anyone can say that is helpful…“time heals” is something l keep getting told but it’s not…it’s almost like l’m reliving last year but on an emotional level and it’s draining both physically and emotionally and the closer we get to Christmas the worse l’m being. Everything about my life has revolved around my Mum, she’s been my rock and support and my love for her is as unconditional today as it was then…we did everything together - days out, holidays, concerts, shopping…you get the picture. My counsellor told me that the level/depth of my grief is similar to that of someone who has lost a life partner or soulmate and that’s how it feels like l’ve lost 3/4s of myself and now l’m stranded and alone, just sinking deeper. I have a younger brother who never bothered with Mum or me (and still doesn’t) also never came to the funeral (that leads to a ton of anger), my older brother perfers to act as if l don’t exist - realise he is probably grieving but like his brother has moved on and doesn’t want to deal with the rawness of me…at the moment l’m very overwhelmed with emotion and can’t think of a reason to do anything…l honestly can’t see how things will improve or get better because the centre of my life has gone and now there’s just this dark emptiness.

I understand how you are feeling. My life mostly revolved around being a long term companion and carer to my Mum. I lived with her for 44 years. It feels like my life and half of me has been ripped away. It’s been a year now, but I still can’t comprehend/adjust to the sudden change and loss. I dearly miss her company and our lovely chats.
I lost my Dad twenty years ago, so I do believe that ‘time heals’ in some respects. But that it can take a very, very long time…

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Thank you for replying and l’m sorry to hear of your losses…it is nice to be able to speak with a person who gets where l’m coming from…most of my family and possibly friends don’t really understand how difficult this is for me although l know with my older brother he does feel the loss of his Mum but not on my level as he worked 12 hour day shifts and left the caring to me although he did step up a few times but under my guidance…he distanced himself from the emotional side and focused on the practical issues. I have an appt with Lets Talk on Thursday as l’m struggling badly and have also spoken to my Manager who does get where l’m coming from and the additional issues l have with anxiety/depression so is very understanding (and he’s been through something similar himself) so we’re working on me going back to work Monday but only doing half my shifts using holiday for the other half and l only do 16 hours…currently my thinking is to get my own place because quiet is good for me and it would be mine just working out where l want to live stay in this area or move to Devon which was my plan with Mum

I certainly understand the need to be quiet. It think the shock of it all make peace and quiet a necessity.

Dear @LostLynne54, I am so sorry that you lost your lovely mum, it’s so difficult losing someone when they are your best friend. I am so sorry she was failed by her doctor - that shouldn’t have happened, and you will always be left wondering if he had sent her for tests earlier, whether she might still be alive. My dad also had renal failure, so I can understand how sad it must have been that you saw your mum deteriorating. I hope your counselling is helping, and I am glad @Daffy123 replied to you as her replies are always kind. Please take care.