Hi, this is my first time posting here. I lost my beloved partner of 27 years on 5th December 2023 and life has been a struggle every since. Some of my immediate family do not speak to me (one in particular will aim digs at me every so often), all due to a stupid argument some years ago. Last evening I was in my mothers house and this particular family member was passing the door and in a whisper voice started talking about death and as the whisper got louder the words ‘and he died in December 2023). I was shocked and horrified, I brought this to my mothers attention and she was upset at this, the person who made this remark was drunk and never ever spoke of acknowledged my partner while he was alive, he never attended the removal or cremation either. I am looking for advice please on what to do, my mother says she will speak to him today and wants me to keep calling to her. I just don’t know if I can face this again. Sorry the blog, but I appreciate any input
It sounds as if they were trying to provoke you as well as cause you more upset. Your mother might be able to stop it happening again, when you’re in the house, if she speaks to the individual concerned. Don’t lose contact with your mother over this you need support. If you feel you can’t go to her house you could meet up for coffee, lunch etc.
Thanks Norma1. I was so taken aback by this behaviour. I was having a few decent enough days, but this has upset me.
Sorry to hear about your experience, it is awful when family behave so badly
There’s 6 in my family and I’m the youngest at 55. Also the first to lose my dear husband after a 6 week diagnosis from pancreatic cancer. The shock has still not worn off and I’m completely heartbroken 6 months later. 3 of my family have cut off all contact, they don’t even ask if I’m well or not. My sister in particular is a very toxic person the others flock to her and do as she says. I’ve heard awful things they’ve said about me and it’s very upsetting whilst grieving the biggest loss I’ve ever faced. Thankfully I have one great sister who lives in France and us very good to me.
As for the rest of them, I’ve resigned myself to having nothing to do with them, they’ve made the decision for me. They say that I have to contact them and that I’m cross! I haven’t got the energy to deal with them, as I’m just so tired all the time and trying to keep my job.
Sorry for the long post, but try to keep in touch with your mother, and ignore the rest of them. I do think however, that you should call family members out if they behave in this way. It’s not on and is incredibly cruel and hurtful
Take care of yourself
In my experience calling out family members ( or friends) provokes confrontation, which is not needed when grieving,I personally just cut them off, I haven’t spoken to my son or eldest sister for a long time.
So sorry to hear of your recent loss & having to deal with toxic family members, I can so identify with you. I am the eldest of a family of 4, one with special needs. One married brother or his wife never once ask how I am or offered to help in any way. All I ever got was negative commentsa. Like you, they say I am the one who is cross. It is so hard to deal with grief & try to hold down a job & try to cope with each day.
Thanks for your message, sendin you hugs & good wishes
Thanks Ron11, definately take this on board. No one needs this whilst grieving.