Sad and alone

You’re right, age has nothing to do with it really though I can see how you can feel it’s so unfair to lose your partner so young with so much life before you both. But, hope this doesn’t sound awful, I think the younger you are the more resilient and the older you are the harder to lose a very long lifetime of love. I feel like I’ve always had Malcolm in my life, more than 50years and change get harder the older you are. Either way we’re all equally heartbroken having lost our soulmates and struggling to keep afloat. Love to allx

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Hi Jools1,

My husband’s middle name was Mark. I woke up early again and trying to write my diary and thinking…He loved being a part of the family, he was a family man. He keeps singing Team G…we are the family and I tried to annoy him no team C…using my surname. Happy very happy days. He gave the happiest days last 10 years. He always made sure we were safe, comfortable and happy. So who gained any happiness by his loss? I know noone as he left at least three ruined sad families behind. I know he never expected this to be happened to him. He is pissed off as we are. But why? This hapiness could have continued until we are 70s 80s. Am I expecting too much? I just feel i am very grateful having my son my on the other hand feeling a loser in love.
Pleasr give me a strength to carry on for our precious son as he is Andy’s half. I wish life was not that cruel to us as we have only one life xx

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Hi JayandAllison,
How are you getting on? As I am thinking of Andy more and more…And also questioning more. Some people are so comfortable to say this is life. Unfortunately in my culture we do not talk death during life so I always thought people born and die when they get older like my parents ( still alive) and my grannies. So Andy’s loss is a huge shock for both families as he is the first very young loss in decades xxc

And sometimes I am thinking that did not I appreciate enough what a wonderful family i had but I DID. I was always so grateful was was given and so happy. So what was gone wrong? Why have we chosen? I know I know there is no answer I wish there was. Most people say it was his destiny and he was too good. Good people go quicker and but he was not that good he was very stubborn please do not take him from us…

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Oh Nuran, I love that, he was very stubborn , so was mine but we loved their little faults, that’s what di made them who they were , the one we loved. And we’d give anything to have them back with us. Sending you love and peace x

Hi bjane,

I was praying begging to God, please do not take him from us he is not that good he is very stubborn but did not work.
Nothing works in this life anywayxxx

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I agree with Kate, age doesn’t define how bad someone’s grief is. I don’t think grief is a competition where we should be saying one person’s is worse than someone else’s. Grief is grief, different people might focus on different things in their grief, but it doesn’t make one person’s worse than someone else’s.

If there are two people, one lost their partner at the age of 50 after 25 years together, the other at the age of 70 after 45 years together, we can’t say the one who lost their partner at 50 has worse grief.

Sure, the one whose partner died at 50 would feel more “cheated” than the other person, because 70 is still closer to life expectancy, but 50 isn’t.
They are also likely to have to spend more time alive without their partner than the older person and this can be very daunting.

Yet the person who is 70 might have more memories with their partner than the younger person.
They might also feel they are too old to ever find someone else and so resign themselves to a life of being alone.
They might also now feel they don’t have someone to help them through the age related health problems they might get.
And they also might not have as many opportunities as a younger person to go to work and get out of the house and try and keep themselves occupied.

They both have terrible grief, they might be focusing on different issues in their grief, but we can’t say that one person’s grief is worse than the other’s.

Ultimately, a lot just comes down to how we are as individuals - some people are just better at coping with grief than others.

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Who would think is this complex.
I hate it. Don’t want it. But it has come and has totally broken me.
Life without my girl is so painful. As previously said age doesn’t matter but each person’s experience is their worst experience.
At 49 I can’t but feel robbed.:broken_heart:

I think when you said “losing them at a young age is even worse” it might have hurt some people who lost their partner at an older age. You surely didn’t mean to hurt anyone, but I think it just needed clarification because often people do think an older person’s grief isn’t that bad because they older and got many years with their partner.

Yes, it is very sad what you are going through, your life is surely hell because you definitely were robbed, all we can do here is to listen to you and let you talk and hope that by listening to you we can help you feel that little bit better.

Hi Nuran
I am also asking why us, what have I done to deserve this life. I also lost my Dad when he was only 40 , I was 19 he had a massive heart attack & died in front of my brother and myself. Now I lose my husband and my daughters fathers. I am losing any hope or positivity in life. Mark showed me what true love was and I was blessed to be his wife. He was the best. Sadly like everyone else on this forum all we have left are the memories and their belongings :broken_heart: xx

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Hi Jools1,

I can not blame you that you can not see anything positive in life. When people say but you need to be strong etc i just think you have no idea of meaning being strong as if I am still here and crying but still here it shows i am still strong even i lost the best human being in life. But i am always appreciated what I have thats the question i am trying to get an answer???x

Jay, I just understand where you’re coming from. I look at the garden that’s getting a bit out of hand and think I ought to sort it out. But then it’s why bother, Malcolm’s not here to enjoy it Everything seems so pointless and colourless without them, I know. Had a cut and blow dry for the first time in months and just felt apathetic, didn’t care what it looked like , no Malcolm to say it looked nice. Just so pointless, no joy left in anything. But we can’t keep feeling this way, horrible to think life’s going on without us, people now talking about holidays, all too much. Somehow we have to try to look forwards, don’t know how but if we keep trying it it might happen. You’re not on your own with those feelingsx

As o have previously said. I never meant to offend anyone with my comments.
I having a tough time and did not mean losing someone of a younger age is worse than someone older.
I’m running on autopilot and medication and often don’t realise what I put.
If I had my way I would go to bed tonight and not wake up. I have no life left worth living.
Please accept me as damaged and broken.
I’m going to stop posting on her as it gets me .
Thanks for those who have supported.
Jay

Jay, whatever age your loved one was when they passed the grief we all go through is horrendous. I know you are still in shock and suffering terribly, we have all been there. The fact you only got 2 days between diagnosis and Allison passing is terrible but I and many others on here would have given anything to have 2 days. My husband was gone in the blink of an eye, no chance to say goodbye or tell him I loved him or even hold him as he passed away. Here one minute happy & healthy no symptoms, never been ill then wiped out by a heart attack. We all have a story to tell, we all think what happened to us is worse than anyone else irrespective of age or illness. At the end of the day we have all lost the one person who was truly ours and we have to show empathy and support eachother on here as best we can. It is silly saying you are going to leave the forum as it obviously helps you, maybe just think of others situations a bit more before posting.

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Hi Jay, at the moment you are damaged and broken. After what you have been through why wouldn’t you be? I admit I have been totally broken after losing my husband suddenly last November, not just my heart but my mind as well. I have described it before as being mad with grief and that is what it is. I’m hoping it’s temporary but it’s definitely a form of madness. In my lowest moments I have said some appalling things to people who love me - it just hasn’t been written. It’s like a wounded animal lashing out at a potential rescuer.
Don’t beat yourself up. If posting on this site gives you even a modicum of support then stick with it. In the throes of grief none of us gets it right all the time. Xx

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Don’t do it Jay.,we all love you. We’re all broken on here and we all say what we feel at that moment. I don’t think there’s anyone on here who would take offence at anything said on here. We’re all grieving and we all understand. You in particular have had a really terrible time , just let it all out if you need toa. nobody’s judging. Please don’t go, we care about you x

I am pleased that the subject of age has cropped up because I don’t think age should even be mentioned. Grief is grief and age doesn’t come into it. Some wise words have already been said so I won’t go further, But when I was younger I always thought that when people reached a certain age they would find it easier to accept losing their partners. After all it’s a part of the journey of life. How wrong could I be. !!!

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Hi Jay of course you didn’t mean to offend anyone. Non of us do but sometimes words are written that will offend another person.
I have been on this forum a great deal longer than you and have seen exactly the same words you are saying from other people.
We all understand, don’t take it to heart.
Broken and damaged you may be and this unfortunately is part of the grief process but you will come through this to face another day. In time if you look back at the things you are writing now you will hardly believe it was you writing them. I know it shocked me when I looked back.
If you find the forum helps you to get through this time then stay and keep joining in with the conversations.

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Hi Jay, I agree with @MrsColt and others, this site helps you and people care about you so please keep posting. I wasn’t criticising you at all because I know you did not mean to offend anyone.

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I agree with others, age does not matter when we lose someone we love so dearly. Stan was 84 years old when he died, it is wrong to suggest that the older our loved ones are should make it easier. Grief is grief and very hard to bear,

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