Hi my name is Lyn and I lost my wonderful husband on 7th January 2020 I have tried many times to write my story on here but I get so far and it gets to much so I will try again today that day started off okay the nurse came in to see John and noticed that he had not passed any urine as he was bed bound she took his temperature and it was a bit high and decided to call an ambulance as he could have a water infection as he had a catheter John argued the point that he didn’t want to go but she told him that if he didn’t and any thing went wrong her head would be on the block which made him laugh we all carried on laughing and joking till the ambulance turned up John said he didn’t want me to go with him that they would only give him a once over some antibiotics and send him home again I tried to argue the point but his mind was made up so I changed all his bedding and dusted his room ready for him to come home when the phone rang it was the hospital telling me to come immediately which I did a friend took me as I was shaking like a leaf when I got to John my world collapsed I thought to myself he is not going to come out of this he was lying in a bed with a oxygen mask over his nose and the bottom of his feet were turning black Sepsis was starting to spread through his body as soon as he saw me he tried to talk to me and pull the oxygen off but me thinking of him told him to keep the mask on and we would talk later but of course there was no later now I look back what I should have done was pull the mask off kiss and hug him and told him how much I loved him but I thought I was doing the right thing a consultant called me into the office and gave me 2 choices the first one was we could leave John where he was and he would pass away in a few hours or they could take John into intensive care where he would only have a 10 % chance of pulling through his heart beat was off the scale and his BP was very low so of course I took the 10% when they finally let me in to be with him it broke my heart by this time he was in a coma his neck was covered in needles where they had been trying to get his BP up and his hands were covered in these big white mittens I asked why and the nurse told me that they had to put them on as John was trying to pull the needles out of his neck I asked the nurse if John could hear me but she said she didn’t know I held his arms his face I stroked his face I told him to fight for us I asked him not to leave me I told him I loved him how many times I said all these things I don’t know but it made no difference in the end they asked me if they could turn off the machine and take away the oxygen and I stayed with John until he took his last breath in that morning I was laughing and joking with him and by the end of the same day I had lost him forever and I still can’t get my head around it I am luckier than most really I have about 30 seconds of John’s voice on a voicemail which I try not to play to much because it makes me cry but I always remember him singing to me his favourite song have i told you lately that I love you which I had played at his funeral and then he would say I don’t think you realise how much I love you if only I could now say that to him were married 47 1/2 years this year we would have been celebrating 50 years of marriage but even though John is not here in person I will buy him a card and some flowers as I always do and hope he sees them from heaven
Lyn, thank you for sharing your story yes I am crying because like you I didn’t expect my soulmate to go. Stay strong and I hope writing about that day helps. Bless you and stay safe. Big hugs Sxxx
Oh Lyn, my heart goes out to you. I’m so very sorry you lost John.
We carry such heartache. I do hope it has helped you to write about that sad day. He will have known you loved him as he loved you.
He will see his card & flowers for your anniversary, he will be with you always. Bless you, take care of yourself. Janey xx
Thank you janey for your kind words it has taken me months to write this I would get so far then just break down but I was determined today although it has taken me a couple of hours just hope that you get this message okay as being new on here I am feeling my way around
I’ve got it Lyn, thank you. It will have helped you writing the day’s events down. Do you talk to John still? I talk to Ian every day and I find it a great comfort. We have to do whatever we can to make our new lives bearable
Hi susie yes it helped but it didn’t stop the crying I find it hard because we did everything together and when John was able bodied he did everything and now of course I have to learn how to do it as I don’t have any sons or close family just a daughter but she has her own family and life just have to learn now how to use this site a bit more thank you for your kind words its good to talk to talk to people who know exactly how you feel and what you are going through x
Hi Janey yes I do talk to John every day when he first passed I was so angry with him I shouted at him for leaving me all on my own in this house with only the walls to talk to and that he was lucky being in heaven with all the family I literally screamed but after I had calmed down I apologised to him told him I loved him told him that I was so unhappy and lonely without him I missed his hugs and kisses and his silly jokes I was lucky really a really good friend of mine was a medium and he used to give me messages from John especially the ones where he wanted me to stop crying as it made him sad unfortunately I lost that great friend 7 months after John x
He will see them from heaven buy one balloon and let it off in a favouite place, it always makes me smile and I feel I’m still doing somethings, no matter how small:pray: