sad and lonely

Its been 4 years since my husband died. We had been together 45 years. We had celebrated our Ruby wedding anniversary then 7 days later he was gone. I can still remember every moment of that awful night in the High Dependency Unit. My son and I had left the unit and moved just 10 feet away to the relatives room to speak to the doctor there was a knock on the door and a nurse said come quick. I ran to the unit and found my husband had died all his tubes etc were gone,the nurse had time to do this before calling me I feel guilty for not being with my husband at his last moments he died alone with no one to hold him. All the staff knew I wanted to be with him at his last moments. I then felt anger and sadness those moments can never be rewound so I could be there it was final he was gone. I get very sad and lonely I have family and grandchildren I also work part time so I am not lonely in that sense I am lonely for my husbands company I can not replace this. The only escape and comfort I get is sleeping and seeing him in my dreams not all the time but I sleep a lot with the hope my dreams will be of him its the only time I am with him and my dreams are so real That I long for the next one. Can any one relate to this or am I abnormal.

Hi Tinkerbell2311

I’m so sorry to read your story. Talking to a few people recently about their own experiences, I have heard that when things are a bit traumatic, ie at hospital receiving treatment, we can sort of “block them out” and we sometimes have no recollection of them. I lost my mum 4 weeks ago. I honestly don’t think she even knows that she has died. I think she was in the middle of doing something, and just sort of stopped. I think what I’m trying to say, is that while we feel guilty for not being there in their last moments, maybe tour loved ones didn’t realise that they were their last moments. They leave us very quickly. I have also read many similar stories to your own. That the family step away just for a few minutes, and their loved one slips away, almost like they are “waiting” to have a few moments alone.

I’ve had one dream which seemed very real to me. I’ve read about people being “contacted” in their dreams, although I’m not quite sure what I think about that. I do hope that I have another dream like it, as it brought me comfort to “talk” to my mum again, my mum knowing that she had died, and talking to me about her funeral…

Have you talked to your family about how you feel? Do you know of any bereavement support groups local to you that you could potentially attend? Take care.

You are not unusual, just human, my lovely wife died three weeks ago and yesterday we scattered her ashes in the Garden of Remembrance next to my mother, They got on well with each other, The realisation that I will never see her again is just beginnings to dawn on me, this nightmare is not a bad dream but it’s true and I miss her so much, we were together for 41 years and mostly very happy years, yes we rowed but they didn’t last long, she would say " I wouldn’t mind a cup of tea " and it was back to normal, the house has got colder, it echoes, and it is filled with her, she transformed it from a house into a home, and I am lost, xx

hi tinerbell2311

i can relate to your sleeping a lot as being the method of kind of staying in contact, when you have been together for so long, you kind of merge into one being. its like half of you is missing and the sadness and the feeling of guilt that could you have and should have done more. its just under a year since i lost my sue and i still cry everyday and feel i failed her. even if i have a good day by keeping myself busy as some point the guilt returns. so probably like you i long to sleep and see my sue again.

its been a while since i have visited this site, i found by writing a diary, it felt like i was talking to sue helped me.
i don,t think its abnormal, that one wishes to return to happy times.i don,t know if these words helps, but i do know when i have dreamed of sue i feel just a tiny bit better.

david

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