Just wondering if anyone struggles as I do. I am not bereaved by someone close to me and grateful for this. But I need coping strategies to help cope in different situations. For instance my neighbour came over to tell me her husband had passed away, we were not close, yet I cried alot (she didnt). If I go to any funeral I cry regardless of how much I know the person. If I go to a celebration of life I cry (again no one else did). I feel embarrassed as I cry much more than those affected more by the death. I feel I am no support, and feel stupid. I want to be more resilient.
4 Likes
Sharlou,
I agree completely with Tillwemeetagain. We are all unique and feel love and loss differently. You was there for your neighbour and I’m sure she will always appreciate it 
Hi Sharlou, You sound like a very empathic person. Often when we shed tears at someone else’s pain, or whilst watching something sad or hearing a song, it triggers our own losses. We may not think of past traumas and losses everyday, but nevertheless we store them in our hearts & minds, and those wounds can be reopened when we least expect it. I was never a crier, having been brought up with the message “don’t cry, stay strong.” Since the sudden loss of my beloved younger Sister however, nearly 3 years on, I now cry at the least thing. I can no longer listen to music we both loved, I cannot watch anything on TV showing CPR, hospitals, illness & death. Like you, I fight my tears when someone shares their losses with me. I now insulate myself, but still find myself brought to tears regardless. Some people struggle to hide their feelings, others can express more easily. Just keep being yourself, no need to be embarrassed. The rare times others cried with me in my loss. I felt they truly understood. Take care. XXxx
1 Like
Sharlou, I feel what you think of as a difficulty. You are very empathic. I am like this too. It doesn’t matter what other people think of you, you sound very caring and maybe your neighbour cries at home, or out of sight of people or maybe she can’t cry just now, we are all different. If you need to cry at whatever makes you want to cry, don’t keep it in, it won’t be good for you at all. I feel for you and if it’s allowed on here I send a virtual hug.
Hello Again. I am returning to this thread to share something that relates to the topic. This past week, my boss of only 10 months passed away suddenly. Up until a week ago, he had been coming to work, obviously struggling, yet putting on a brave front. We knew he was battling a recurrence of a rare cancer he had beat over 5 years ago. Watching him weaken but still carrying on, touched me deeply. Upon getting the news of his untimely death at only 48, I became tearful, then the crying grew more intense. I did not know him that well or for very long, nevertheless my heart hurt for him and his young family. On a deeper level, his death triggered by own loss of my precious Sister, also taken too young from the dreaded cancer, also positive and courageous until the end. Thus regardless of my attempts to hide from illness and death, and the mention of cancer, it manages to find me. So I cry for others pain, for their loved ones left behind, and for myself, and for the cruelty of death. 
Thank you for listening. Xxx