I’ve managed to go back to work, phased return to work after losing my husband 8 weeks ago, (still doesn’t feel real typing this ) I’ve actually felt really strong these last few days, even normal, which I’m not sure is even normal to feel this way. I was ok until our wedding song/ his funeral song came on the radio. Totally lost it and ended up crying in the toilets. So strange I can talk about him without getting upset. It’s when my brain plays tricks on me and I imagine him sitting on the sofa or in another room that it hits me like a ton of bricks. But otherwise I feel ok. Which I’m worried about and that blocking it out?
As I’ve just written on another post - a useful bit of advice I was given was ‘how you are feeling at this moment is how you are meant to be feeling.’
It doesn’t always stop me feeling guilty for not crying some days but that’s a work in progress.
I think we can only do what feels right for us and deal with the grief ambushes when they arrive the best we can - in the toilets or in the middle of a field sometimes in my case.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m about 6 months but like you I went back to work after about 8 weeks.
My own experience us that there is simply no ‘normal’ and as @KarenF says, you feel what you feel and it can change in a second. ( I have sobbed over cheese in the shop). Don’t feel guilty if you feel ‘ok’. And if you need to cry at work just do it. Believe me everyone around you will find a way to deal with it.
Sending a big hug x
I’m so sorry for your loss but it is strange things that set us off. I like music, (not particularly modern music), always have done. Out of the blue I came across “visiting hours” by Ed Shearan. I cried for hours after listening to it. Take care and know that you will always be together and we are all here for you if you need us.
I think we block things out temporarily to get through a situation.
Then your brain re-sets and “were back in the room”.
If you need a moment, then take a moment - no-one has a rule book on grief or your emotions.
Oh @Johnch How I wish that were true. I’ve never heard that before. Thank you.
I have been on this journey long enough to know that ‘those moments’ are always around the corner. I have had days where I have fretted about something and the next day I can’t even remember what it was that was worrying me. Hence my reasoning that tomorrow is another day. I burst into tears in a garden centre when I had gone to buy the seed potatoes for the allotment. My husband grew the potatoes and suddenly my mind went blank and I couldn’t remember the name of them.
In a bad moment I like to believe that my husband is there giving me a nudge so that I won’t forget him.
@KarenF I’m so glad you listened to this, it’s the most poignant song I have come across since Viv passed away. I think it’s about his Mother but it can equally apply to everything we are all going through. I also like “Everybody Hurts” by REM, an 80’s song.
I’ve learnt to play “Everybody Hurts” by REM on my guitar which I’ve had since my teens. Never got very good but this sets me off every time I play it,.
Yes, I like that one too @Johnch
The one which gets me every time at the moment is You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban. I only heard it for the first time the day before Richard died and loved it, then it became so poignant as the last day we had out together was going up a mountain which he helped me up.
What a beautiful song. I’m in floods of tears again.
Thank you for sharing.
Sad song but the one that breaks me up is My Lady D’Arbanville
by cat Stevens
I am a 69 year old man retired bricklayer But this song just just turns me into Blubber. My Sue passed on the 15 Jan 2023 and every day is a little worse.
Do you know what song ii love at moment … barbara streisand " evergreen" it touches my heart z