Saddest says of my life.

I’ve just spent the worst few lonely and depressing time. Feeling so lonely. Without the love of my life my sole mate my best friend. How am I supposed to go on. In fact I don’t want to without him. I go to places where we went and people are all in couples and families and I’m just sat there alone. What do I do. I’m not coping.

hi Valerinable.
cant say ive any solutions for you just very sorry for your loss and the pain your going through.sadly there are many of us on here who have lost the love of their life.myself ive hardly go out and dont mix if I can help it.hope you’ve got close family and friends to give you much needed help and comfort.you could try seeing your doctor who could ,maybe help you get bereavement counselling.their are many on here who will reach out and show you that your not alone in going through this traumatic painful experience.sorry im unable take away all the pain you are going through.sadly there is no easy fix and their is no time scale on how long you or anyone will endure before learning to live with the loss.
kind regards
ian

you’ve made a good decision to reach out for some kind of help.hopefully you will at least get a little comfort in knowing others care.

Thank you Ian for your kind words. I have no family. All my friends are couples. My doctor just prescribed anti-depressants. Also gave me Samaritans telephone number. Also said to join a local hospice coffee morning.
Just want feel something again. I think I have died inside.

Val

your very welcome Val.
if you get chance read some of mine and other peoples conversations you will see that many of us are in the same boat.so many family and friends seem to have no empathy and tell us do what your partner would of wanted etc.isnt the kind of advice I could give,unless they had small children were even a blind man like me could point out that the partner would want the children taking care of.and some doctors are not great either by the sound of it.the practise were I go every doctor as shown empathy and see that losing a partner is a very big deal that cannot just be brushed under the carpet or solved by prescribing drugs.that isnt the solution,cant say I know what is.maybe be time will eventually make the pain manageable or we will learn to cope. dont give up Val.
regards
ian

Hello Val, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the
community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and
will understand some of what you are going through.
Another good place to get support is Cruse Bereavement: http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services They offer a helpline, email support, and both counselling and support groups, through their local services. Their phone number is 0808 808 1677 or you can contact helpline@cruse.org.uk
Take care,
Mick
Online Community team

Hi Val, I’m so sorry for your loss of your soulmate. I know exactly how you feel when out seeing couples and remembering that you were once part of a couple. I think you are coping in the fact that you are getting out and about, even though you will see couples. When my dear husband of over 50 years died, 20 months ago, like you I visited places on my own. In a cafe at a National Trust place, on two occasions, after walking round the various State rooms and garden, when taking refreshment in the site cafe that was rather crowded, no empty tables, I took seats where there were a number of people already eating. Before long, on each occasion, the other people at the table began to talk to me. On the first occasion, it was a couple with their young daughter, and after a few words about the weather and the food etc, I soon learned where the family were from, how far they had come to visit the lovely castle, and how much they had enjoyed it. I felt cheered with their conversation, just joined in topics that arose. Little did they know that they had cheered someone recently feeling sad and widowed. On the second occasion, it was a lovely sunny day, I had joined a coach party to the National Trust property. I sat on my own in the coach as I did not know anyone in the party. However, while having coffee at the house, I found a few members from the party happy to chat, and later on. after having explored the gardens, once again I was taking refreshment in a self service cafe, and found myself soon sitting at a table with two mothers who were visiting the hall while their children were at school! A well earned break, I expect. On that occasion I mentioned that I had only recently lost my husband, and the young women then told me about their lives, parents etc, which was a very pleasant change from the negative response one sometimes receives when mentioning a close bereavement. I hope you continue to receive help, whether it is via the doctor, or as you have done already, through contact with this site. There are still times when I’m on my own, but then I comfort myself with my memories of my lovely husband, father of my two children and always my soulmate. You will find people on this site know just how are feeling, and how in time, we all find our way through our loss. Deidre.

Hello Ian don’t know how to go on and survive. I am trying to look after is 97 year old mum who keeps telling me what will be will be. She has no idea how much I miss his love and tenderness. I miss his kiss and affection we shared and car to get past that. I loved every part of his being. What’s the point going on without him.

Val

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hi Val.
she sounds rather insensitive to say the least.im struggling myself.
your best friend soulmate sounds like he was a very nice warm hearted man,their are very few men like that around. Me I decided to live as though Jayne is with me.i got myself 2 tattoos one a portrait of Jayne another a dedication im getting another,anything to show how much Jayne means to me.i send messages to Jayne I chat with her.maybe im going insane but its helping me get by.not sure if you could do things to show love for your soulmate or even if it would help you.see we are all very different what might help one may be of no use to another.but I loved Jayne more than life itself and not everyone is lucky to of had a partner who loved you as much as you loved them,ots a great feeling being loved by the lady of your dreams,but sadly it hurts all the more when you lose them.sorry ive droned on and on and on.hopefully you will find a way to cope
regards
ian

I’m feeling exactly the same.
Lost my Mum on 05/02/2020
I lived with her for the last 15 years.
The walls are closing in on me and the quietness and stillness of the house is destroying me. I can’t do this. I want to be with my Mum. I’ve had to come to Manchester to be with a family friend. I’m worried about my mental health. Mums only been gone a week, we’ve not even buried her yet. I can’t do this.

Clarey,

You cant do this and you will do this.
If someone had told me this time last year that my mum would soon be dead, I would have told them you might as well take me now because I wont survive that
But I have survived. I’m not living but I am surviving and I am very proud of myself for that and you will be too.
One week is nothing. You are in shock. My mum died 8 months ago today and I still cant believe it but I’m here.
You can do this x

Can not cant!

Clarey, you can do this. I lost my Mum suddenly just over four months ago. I was her carer for 23 years and lived with her.
During, the first three weeks I felt like I was hanging on by my nails. When you are going through hell, you keep going.
I promise, as time passes your ability to cope will improve. Just take it one day at a time.

I just feel so lost without him especially more so with this pandemic. I just don’t see any point going on. I have nobody no family. I am so lonely. It’s 10months and I still think he will come home to me. Just not coping.

this lockdown as made little or no difference to me as im far from lonely my own company is enough for me.all I want is my baby Jayne.im sorry your lonely hopefully this lockdown will be over soon and life can get back to some sort of normality. I hope you can find ways to occupy your mind.and help ease your sense of loneliness .
regards
ian

Thank you for your kind words but without my Dave I am nothing.

also sorry to see the topic changed a bit in the middle with Clarey sadly mentioning she lost her mum and her getting a few responses of support.from those in the same boat and understanding her emotions and trying give her a little help.
like ive said lockdown isnt really bothering me,im not lonely.all I can say is some people seem to be able get comfort maybe getting a pet a dog or cat. just a pity about the lockdown as id thought and mentioned about there being so many like you whose not only lost the biggest reason for living ,but are very lonely for some sort of contact.as maybe sueryder could build up a database of people in the same areas who could arrange meet ups to at least provide company for those of like minds.sadly we dont have a clue when this lockdown will end.please try keep your self safe in the knowledge your not alone with those feelings and there are lots cof us who do care and try reach out to help.
very sorry for droning on,

I am really struggling in this lockdown having no children I am so lonely without my lovely Dave. He was my friend lover and sole mate. Without him I don’t know how to go on and don’t see any point… I just Can’t cope without him. Don’t know what to do. It’s a year on 6th June since he left me and I still not coping don’t see any point in living without him. Don’t know how to get on. My life is over.

im in the same boat Jayne and me had no children ,im not lonely id just want Jayne.but im trying live like Jaynes in my heart mind and soul,and its the only way I can cope.i told a few friends and they seemed think people should move on,well I told them I am doing with Jayne in my heart mind and soul and without there friendship.and im hoping do a sky dive in Jaynes name and memory once this lockdown is over and try do things for charity.and thats my particular way of getting through each and every day if friends or family have a problem sod them.its my life not theres.
so hopefully Valerinablue you can find a way that maybe helps you cope.
stay safe regards ian

Not much chance for meeting up with anyone at the moment with the restrictions, we are definitely all in the same boat. It’s challenging times but it is good we can chat with others on this site.
There are groups specifically set up to enable members to get together, one that is mentioned regularly is https://way-up.co.uk
Data protection will prevent Sue Ryder using our info in the way your suggesting Ian.

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