Im new to this so please excuse errors. My partner died suddenly at home in March. We were moving house as a new development is due to build 40 houses right next door to our beautiful peaceful home. I coped with getting through wirh help from family and friends. Ive now re-negotiated sale of our house again but am utterly terrified of moving though i know i feel i need to get away (i found him dead in the bath). My family are sick of our house moving issues which had gone on for over 2 years (Covid - chains collapsing). I react very badly to noise (neighbours have made alterations which infringe on our privicy too) so ive started the process again. I feel so alone and scared. I havent even got my beloved cat - who we had to have put to sleep in October last year. So - how do i cope with all this? Within the past 8 months ive lost my 2 loves and am now losing my third - my peaceful home.
so sorry to hear of your loss and moving problems. my husband died suddenly last easter 2022 of sepsis, 12 hrs from being taken ill to him actually dying.
we are quite lucky where we are in upminster as there is no where for them to build near to us although there is a big project going on nearer town where they got rid of a lovely park to do it. covid messed up a lot of things for some people.
are you moving far? i am the same with noise, barking dogs are the worst for me, hate it. I am lucky for neighbours i have to say. maybe try getting another cat, there are lots at the rescues. might help you.
family never understand why you have to do things.
Hi - thanks for replying - im so sorry to hear about your loss too. Life is tough isnt it? My partner and i lived together for 36 years - nearly half our lifetime. I miss him so much. I would love another cat but as i am in ‘running away’ mode and everything is so uncertain i would not get one until settled. The moving ‘where to’ is the frightening part. Where? Its so expensive in my area. I will never be able to replace our house - its too big and going to change anyway. My eldest sister lives a few miles away and we are very close but i hate where she is. I have another sister who lives in a beautiful coastal town but its miles away. Im lucky - although no kids i have a very close bond with my eldest sister’s family. I crave peace and quiet - harder and harder to be able to achieve in Essex. I also do a volunteering job at a local animal sanctuary which i love.
i am council and there are a few here but most are private. its in essex although it comes under london borough. i find it very nice and quiet overall here, close to town etc but to buy they are exspensive here too, mainly cause we are within the m25. i have kids in clacton and a son who still lives with me cause he cant afford to get his own place nowadays. you can always pm me and let me know where you live if you want to, we might be near each other.
as for where to move, i would love to move near the coast, a few yds from the sea would suit me. Or i have fancied scotland and Holmfirth, as i love last of the summer wine. But what stops me at moment is my son and his job basically.
me and hubby were married 47 yrs and we knew his health would kill him sooner rather than later, but what he died of was well off the radar and very very quick with no warning.
yeah might be an idea to wait to get another cat till you have moved tbh.
Golly 47 years - you must miss him so much and dying so suddenly too - like mine. You just feel robbed dont you? It must be good having your son living with you but sad he cant afford his own place - sign of the times im afraid. We always wanted to live near the sea but it was my closeness to my eldest sister that stopped us from going too far. We had just found a property in a nice quiet place with a big garden for me and a workshop for him and were waiting for our buyers to sell. 2 days after his death the chain was complete. I cant imagine what i’d have done if he had died there. Fate? My other sister would love me to move up to the coast near her (Suffolk) but i would be leaving friends, volunteering job and my closest sister and family behind. There is some family rivalry between their 2 families too which can be awkward. I just dont know what to do. I could afford a lovely place in Suffolk but would miss my other lot so much. I was born in Romford (Essex girl) and have family living in the Hornchurch area so am born town but love country.
suffolk is nice i spent a lot of time there as a kid. one thing i always said i would never move to be near family, have seen it go wrong so many times. i was brought up in ipswich but hubby came from colchester. we have moved about quite a lot once of the advantages of being council. as i said i live in upminster but tbh i hate romford, not a nice place any more, hornchurch is ok, got a nice shopping centre i go quite often. i found with volunteer jobs, no matter where you are there are always places looking for people.
Romford is dreadful now. Such a shame. I used to love driving through Upminster at Christmas as a kid with Mum and Dad cos the posh houses.had such lovely decs and lights! Suffolk has always been a draw to me and G (partner) as i spent a lot of time there and we loved the walking. My sister and her hubby who live there are in their 80s now and her daughter and family are moving up there in July from Kent. Im so jealous! Mind you - hate to say it but i dont get on with my brother in law so that had alwsys prevented too many visits in the past. My ‘lot’ down here in Essex are very protective of me and keep saying - oh well - if you go up there you wont see much of us. So - im stuck with deciding on a brand new life near the sea - near them or half-way up, on my own, or stay here and keep my other lot close plus friends etc!! I suppose im lucky i have the choice but its a difficult call.
Hello Erindoors, before you decide, have a look at Mersea Island (about 18 miles south of Colchester). - Nick
Hello Erindoors, here are some photos of Mersea.
http://englands-heritage.uk/EH/gallery/index.php?/category/95
You have to check the high tide if you want to visit Mersea. There are times when you will not be able to cross the Strood.
Nick
used to live in east mersea many many yrs ago when we first got married, lovely place but you are right about the strood, however it never gets that high that you cant drive over it or walk over it
Hi SueF1, there are days when it can get high enough to cause corrosion inside of the door sills. It can also be high enough to get the ventilation wholes of the doors and possibly damaging the door cards and flooding the foot well if the bottom door seals are not OK. It nearly happened to my brother when the engine of the car in front stalled. My brother had push the car with his bumper. - The high tide is worse during March and September.
I have seen higher than that: http://englands-heritage.uk/EH/gallery/picture.php?/2762/category/95
Nick
Thank you all for your suggestions. I know Mersea (both E and W) quite well. Pretty little place but a bit remote for me. Having just recently spent 2 hours of hell on the A12 i couldnt face the journey to see family. It would have been my partner’s birthday today. I never dreamt last year he wouldnt celebrate it. The missing him is tearing me apart. Just walked onto an empty house - no ‘hello you’ from him or meows from the cat to greet me. Life is crap at the moment😪
Morning. Anyone out there? Listening to the peace of my garden and the wood pigeons calling before getting up and trying to be strong for another day. I love this peace - its healing - its what i need. This peace wont last long - neighbour will recommence building his partying building right next to my fence - wont be long before the bulldozers will destroy the countryside next to me (40 houses in this field, 35 in the next). Ive sold the house i felt safe in but am terrified of moving on. This time im on my own. Is it possible to become strong and deal with life alone and feel happy and settled again. I miss my old mate so much.