Sadness

I haven’t been able to talk so I’m hoping writing may help. I lost my mum very suddenly a month ago. We only just had the funeral as it was so unexpected. I have 2 boys to care for and we live with her husband(my stepdad) so I am looking after everyone and I know it means I’m blocking out my pain but I’m too scared to feel it. It hurts so bad. I miss her so much. She helped me raise my eldest and encouraged me to have my youngest who is only 2 months old. We were so similar that it drive me crazy but I just wish she was back here. I honestly can’t believe she is gone. It’s like an awful dream I can’t wake up from. But I don’t want to accept she is gone. In my head she is on holiday. How long can I get away ignoring the reality? Will it all come crashing down and I lose it. I’m just so sad it hurts

I got back last night from spending a few days with one of my daughters and her family. Just before I left she told me she was pregnant and having her 12 week scan today. She phoned me a few minutes ago to tell me that it was bad news and she had miscarried. My wife died 11 weeks ago and this would have been the first grandchild after Granny died. The most recent one was born 6 weeks before my wife died and she got to hold him. I’m heading back down south tomorrow to help out with childcare while my daughter goes into hospital. I feel really worried for her. So much extra grief.

I am sorry for you all.

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