Hi Mandy, I’m Linda and wanted to message you to say I know exactly how you feel. I am so very sorry for your loss and the grief and pain you are now suffering.
After 11 weeks, I am also still desperately sad and when I say to friends it feels like there isn’t any point in anything anymore they tell me it will get better.
So far it hasn’t. there are some days I don’t hear from anyone unless I message or ring and I have started to feel invisible. I absolutely dread the thought of Christmas. I don’t want to be an add on anywhere.
No matter if in the far distant future it becomes bearable it won’t be the life I had imagined. The happiness we had has gone and it takes an almighty effort to just keep upright and functioning.
I’ve now started writing our entire life story from beginning to end. It helps me, keeps me close to my husband and confirms to me that our life had such love in it and happiness. I also cry a lot.
I don’t have any real answers other than it’s clear we are all suffering in the same way and it’s good to be able to share.
This sort of grief can’t be imagined by others…even though they might say so
You are absolutely right everyone says its going to get easier in time, how wrong can they be they don’t understand gow you can be literally swollowed up in grief.
I lost my wife of 51 year’s at the end of November 22 after a very short ilness.
We were not prepared for the incredibly pain and heartache
I foind that recently joining this forum i have recorded tremendous support from the kind people who have sent me support.
I am continuing to grieve but i have found some solace in common the lovely gardens we created together.
Sending hugs m xx
you will never get over losing the person you were with for yrs but the rest of it gets easier. after 14 months i find i have got into a new routine, i can do what i want, when i want, not answerable to anyone. ok i dont have any money (can only get pension credit) but i survive with the help of my son who lives here and pays his way. you have no choice
You are right we have no choice, a few weeks ago I felt like I wanted to be dead and with my husband…. I felt that was a good choice and it would have taken away all the pain. I never did anything but think about it and getting a morning routine going has helped. The rest of the day is horrible.
My friends hardly ever ask how I am because I pretend in company that I’m much better than I am but at home, I feel so sad, lonely and full of grief .
I feel like I’m in a continuous fog and everything is dull and I’m cut off from the world.
I’m so glad I can write the truth here and share my true feelings. I appreciate all your honesty it helps .
I had all those terrible feelings i also thought i could not carry on, after 51 years together it became a living nightmare months on i am still here i had no help and all out so called friends and work colleagues just deserted me as if i had some kind of disease
But i realised that my wife would have wanted better than that, ican hear her saying pull yourself together in her serious voice.
I still have very little experience of grief but yes i do get bad days when all i do is cry but the good days when i can sit in the garden we created over many years she is still with me.
This forum has been a tower of strength from all the kind people who like us we have lost a loved one
Life can carry on sending you big hugs xx
Hello,
Just because people don’t want to be here doesn’t make them need help. There isn’t anything wrong with them, they just don’t like their lives. Also mentioning about the the partner who has passed away being disappointed , she had no clue how her husband’s life would end up like. If she did I think she wouldn’t be disappointed at all. Also what is the point of telling close relatives how you really feel . One they don’t want to hear that. And second, they don’t know what to say, how could they, they most likely haven’t lost a partner.
Hi so sorry to hear your feeling down and i hope this message makes hou feel alittle better. I know its so hard when you loose someone and saying the right thing is so hard x But life has to go on and enjoy what time we have left, yes its ok to grief but the person we have lost would not want us to feel down, think about all the happy .memories and look forward to making new ones, big hugs xx
Hello, I know this is your first time on here, but I don’t think many on this forum will enjoy anything, let alone the rest of their lives. The partner that died didn’t know what an awful life most have been left with. I’m also sure nobody wants to make more happy memories without their partner’s being involved. Not sure your message will be liked by many on here.
I agree i dont think that the comments from mydadwasfab1 are constructive.
It is what we have said on this forum that after the loss of a loveone the pain and grief and the feeling of loneliness is not something that you can attribute to just a bad day.
Yes life can carry on but please let us not forget what we shared is precious and should never be forgotten.
I think the author is perhaps short sighted when you read more of the posts such negative comments are Not Welcome.
Evening to all, today has not been a good one I’ve cried mostly its only been just over 4 weeks since i lost my lovely hubby of 49yrs i don’t think i will ever want to move on or make new memories with my life i just want to treasure and remember the life i have lost with the one person i will only ever love until we are together again so sometimes people don’t always say the right thing’s no matter how well meaning they think they are being i hope tomorrow will be a bit better who knows take care all xx
Dear Joy72, I am so sorry that you had such a bad day again. My weekend as like this but today I was not too bad. A few tears and sadness which is always around me. Tomorrow I will go out (actually I have to go to the diabetic check-up - so no choice) and maybe I will go later shopping in Grays. Our existence is a terrible roller-coaster of deep feelings and despair. We were together about 26 years from we were 15 years and two months married. A neighbour suggested that I could go to Berlin to see my friends but I said that I am not really in the mood to travel. My husband just died this February and I cannot see traveling on my own. I am just not interested to go and see places anymore. I liked to read a lot and listen to music, now I am just not interested. And that is the same with TV or Movies. I lost the reason to live and the reason to live was my husband. I am on my own now and start accepting this awful situation but I hate every minute of it. I hope that you are feeling better tomorrow and that you have a good night’s sleep. Sending lots of love and hugs.
@swojto sorry but i think you are wrong. yes it will be hard for a while and we will never forget our partners but most of us will make happy memories without them in time and maybe with someone else. @sadnow i dont hink he is short sighted at all, what he says is right, you never forget and no one would want you to but you have to move on, you cant spend the rest of your life grieving, lifes too short for that. and i am sure a lot of people on here are younger than some of us, they cant be expected to spend the rest of their lives alone
i cry every night but i know Brian would be so happy im living my life as well. Tomorrow will be a year💔i still cant believe it but as we both loved sci fi dc and marvel my best friend is coming to the cinema with me to see The Flash❤️Bri would have been there and he will be in my heart. At tge weekend im meeting family who were with me always for a meal. Yes life is short, we have to go on and i am blessed to have been married to the kindest, funniest beautiful man ever🥰
i DID NOT and WASNT telling anyone to do anything its their decision. living a different life without soulmate IS moving on. people in their 70’s etc can make new memories without their soulmates, whether its with someone new or on their own. I am 68 and will never forget my hubby of 47 yrs but i dont intend to sit here for the rest of my life being miserable and not doing anything new even if its on my own. As long as my health lets me
Thankyou so much sheila your lovely wise words have given me hope and the compassion you have shown in understanding how i feel makes a difference i know how lucky we were to have had such blessed marriages as we all have on this forum no matter how many years we’ve
all shared together i know you share a faith as do i and that is what will pull me through the knowing that we will be united again oneday i will try to put one foot in front of the other as it is all i can do at the moment but thankyou again and god bless xx
@Sadnow I have the same thing. One brilliant son, and the other who has isolated himself from me and me from my grandchildren because his wife is offended that I won’t get together with her single mum. His wife is “Megan Markle on steroids” a spoilt brat who has always had her own way, so my son does what she says.
So, a year later nothing will change, so I’m writing him out of my will and leaving his half in trust to his kids (my grandkids who will grow up without me).
Families can be real shits, or really good.
same here. we are still young women.,we will
never stop hurting or love as we dd our soulmates but[quote=“SueF1, post:101, topic:68904, full:true”]
i DID NOT and WASNT telling anyone to do anything its their decision. living a different life without soulmate IS moving on. people in their 70’s etc can make new memories without their soulmates, whether its with someone new or on their own. I am 68 and will never forget my hubby of 47 yrs but i dont intend to sit here for the rest of my life being miserable and not doing anything new even if its on my own. As long as my health lets me
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This thread is getting a little heated, and I would ask you all to please remember that the primary purpose of this community is support. Our community guidelines ask everyone to be respectful and sensitive to each other.
To prevent the discussion escalating further, I’m going to temporarily lock this thread while I review it and give everyone time to take a step back. I will unlock it again shortly if appropriate.
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and heartache
loveone the pain and grief and the feeling of loneliness is not something that you can attribute to just a bad day.