Today was the i had to let my mum gain her wings , the service was lovely and simple and broke my heart . It seems so final now , theres no going to see her anymore even at the funeral home i felt at peace just being with her , now even that option is no longer possible and i feel hollow . I cried and felt my heart breaking during the service but now i feel numb and dazed again , like this is not real , not happening to me , not my mum . Im carrying on like things are normal but theres an aching pit inside thats telling me nothing will be normal and right again . Why arent i feeling devastated , how am i even contemplating going on when im so used to having her here with me everyday . I feel wrong .
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Dear Tottie, I hear you. These are the darkest of days, full of so many feelings, and numbness is part of the whirlpool of grief. My Mum died almost a year ago after a short illness, and I still can hardly believe it. It’s been the hardest year of my life so far. It’s going to take time for all the parts of you to take in what’s happened. Be gentle with yourself. You’re not alone, and good that you’ve joined this community. Take care.
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Dear Garden girl , thank you for your kind words , it helps to know there are others who are feeling the same way , it makes me feel less alone xx
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Hi @Tottie, im glad to hear the funeral went as well as it could. You got through it. I too found an emptiness and a feeling of what now after the funeral. I think it gives you a focus after the death and then what. What i have learned in the last 4 months is to just let the feelings be, dont analyse it and just accept what you feel. There is no right or wrong, you say why dont you feel devastated but im sure you do at times, with regards to going forward, i dont think we have a choice but to go with it. Be gentle with yourself
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It just feels so surreal , im not sure if i believe it yet to be honest , even after her funeral , im just going through the days , i feel strange , somehow detached from it all .
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It really does feel surreal. I call it post apocalyptic! It feels like an alien landscape doesn’t it? Bewildering. The feeling of detachment is a natural part of the grieving process. It’s the shock of it, and it takes a while for all the parts of you to really take it in.
I found this book helpful. Healing After the Loss of Your Mother: A Grief & Comfort Manual By Elaine Mallon
Also this podcast: Griefcast with Cariad Lloyd
Xx
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you are not wrong in any way. you are going through the terrible chapter in life, that of losing a parent.
it is natural but you will not feel good. no one does with death. ease up on yourself. you have nothing to do with this “life” plan. we are often just along for the ride.
I am very sorry. it is so very awful. mine are gone. it is also normal to go into a sort of hibernation afterwards … but also having people around when you are able can distract.